All times ET. Home team in CAPS.

Saturday 4:30 PM – Texans at RAVENS (-9)

A battle wages

in the land of McNulty.

The game is the game.

Saturday 8:15 PM – Packers at NINERS (-9.5)

Cover your damn eyes.

Green Bay can beat ANYONE.

They will keep this close.

Sunday 3:00 PM – Bucs at LIONS (-6)

One city makes cars.

One city is all strip clubs.

Baker be dancin’.

Sunday 6:30 PM – Chiefs at BILLS (-3)

My head says Mahomes.

But my heart is in New York,

drenched in Elmo’s sauce.

Last week the picks were 2-4 but in fairness I picked the Steelers expecting them to cover in a blizzard. This week I’m on Baltimore -9, Packers +9.5, Bucs +6, Bills -3.

All times are ET. Home team in CAPS.

Saturday 4:30 PM – HOUSTON v. Cleveland (-2.5)

His name is Flacco.

No, not the Manhattan owl.

But still the man soars.

Saturday 8:00 PM – KANSAS CITY (-4.5) v. Miami

It will be frigid,

projected at six below.

Too bleak for Flipper.

Sunday 1:00 PM – BUFFALO (-10) v. Pittsburgh

It’s the Bar Bill wings,

versus Primanti Brothers.

Dip this win in blue.

Sunday 4:30 PM – DALLAS (-7.5) v. Green Bay

America’s team.

A nation’s eyes upon them.

Will they hold up? Yes.

Sunday 8:15 PM – DETROIT (-3) v. Los Angeles

Jared was a Ram.

And Matthew was a Lion.

The latter moves on.

Monday 8:00 PM – TAMPA BAY v. Philadelphia (-3)

The home team is bad,

and the road team might be worse.

Someone has to win.

The Picks: Cleveland -2.5, Kansas City -4.5, Pittsburgh +10, Dallas -7.5, Los Angeles +3.5, Philly -3 (but I won’t be betting the last one).

Why do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?

I.

Always.

Like.

THE.

Chicago.

Bears.

Vikings at Bears Prediction

With Justin Fields, who accounts for about 90% of the offense, not playing, and Nathan Peterman, one of the worst starting quarterbacks in modern NFL history, playing, the Vikings will have their starters on the bench by early third quarter.

Vikings 33, Bears 9

Texans at Colts Prediction

Houston is simply playing better football, week in and week out. And while folks will argue they have no impetus to win this game and fall out of the first pick, the Deshaun Watson trade gave them more than enough ammunition to ensure they come out of the 2023 draft with whomever they deem their top prospect.

Texans 19, Colts 13

And with this prediction, the Chicago Bears will secure the first pick in the 2023 NFL Draft.

No reason to write an article about this. The first 45 minutes of this appearance are a pretty clear rant on the subject of Justin Fields.

For nine years he stood,

Stoically on the sideline.

Today, he returns.

Five Things I Think Will Happen Sunday:

• Justin Fields will rebound, to a degree. The Bears will get the run game going early, opening up play action, and leading to a stat line around 17-26, 246 yards, 1 TD throwing, 1 TD running. It will be enough to quiet down the noise surrounding the quarterback for at least another week.
• Darnell Mooney will finally kick off his 2022 campaign. Luke Getsy hears the criticism and knows he needs to get his top receiver involved. Seven catches, 104 yards and a touchdown.
• Dameon Pierce will have his breakout game for the Texans. After a 15 carry, 69-yard output against Denver, this shapes up for a 20+ carry, 100+ yard performance, especially with the Bears concerned about protecting both one starting outside corner and their rookie slot guy.
• Eddie Jackson will get his second interception of the season. One thing that stands out watching Davis Mills is the number of contested balls he throws over the middle of the field. Jackson snags one.
• The team that wins the sack battle wins the game. And the Bears win that battle, 4-2.

Chicago Bears 24, Houston Texans 13