An early morning at Staples. Cathy and Jake are pacing back forth down the overcomplicated printer aisle.

JAKE: I love you, Cathy.

CATHY: You should.

JAKE: But I hate being here.

CATHY: There are too many printers.

JAKE: A lot.

CATHY: They all do different things.

JAKE: They do.

CATHY: What are we looking for?

JAKE: What?

CATHY: What’s most important?

JAKE: Printing.

CATHY: They all print, ass.

JAKE: Do they all print well?

CATHY: How the fuck am I supposed to know how they print. They’re sitting on a shelf. We buy one, we take it home, we connect it, it prints. That’s when we learn how they print.

JAKE: We could read reviews.

CATHY: From who?

JAKE: Whom.

CATHY: Fuck you.

JAKE: Reviews from people. On the internet.

CATHY: Do you think we should really be trusting the kinds of people who review printers on the internet?

JAKE: The way I see it –

CATHY: See what?

JAKE: Let me finish.

CATHY: Okay.

JAKE: The way I see it, we have two options. We can buy one of these reliable guys. Nothing exciting. You hit print; they print. You know what you’re getting, in standard black and white.

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A gothic church. A confessional. A priest sits back to the wall. A man kneels in prayer. A wall divides them.

Priest: What sins have you to confess, my son?

Man: I believed, father.

Priest: Believing is not a sin.

Man: It should be.

Priest: What did you believe?

Man: I believed 2024 would be different, father. I believed this year would look different than other years.

Priest: Did it not?

Man: It did not.

Priest: Do you regret your belief?

Man: How can I?

Priest: Then why do you confess it as sin?

Man: What else can I do? What is the purpose of this all if we don’t succumb to the belief that year ahead will be different, will be better, than the year just experienced?

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