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Three Questions with a Bears Fan, Episode II: JQ of the Q Brothers Collective

| March 9th, 2020

Episode II in our series is a brief chat with JQ of the Q Brothers Collective. The Q Brothers are geniuses and their hip hop adaptations of classic works have been killing it with audiences for decades. Othello: The Remix. Q Gents. Q Brothers Christmas Carol. The Bomb-itty of Errors. All brilliant. Ever since he cold-emailed me years ago, he’s become one of my favorite people on the planet and a solid drinking partner. (Hell, he’s been to Josie Woods!) One day we’ll work together on something that goes up on a stage. One day.


DBB: The Q Brothers are a theatrical institution but you’re constantly on-stage when the Bears play. Does the score ever creep in your mind when performing? 

JQ: I usually keep my phone on mute and streaming live backstage. If I have an opportunity to freestyle and update the audience on the score, they really appreciate it. That said, if the Bears are getting crushed I usually just turn it off because I don’t want it to negatively affect the performance.


DBB: Your family’s pharmacy – Merz Apothecary – is one of the coolest fucking stores in the world. Is there a homeopathic remedy (non-booze) to handle a Chicago Bears loss?

JQ: According to the famous European herbalist and author Maria Treben – who wrote “Health Through God’s Pharmacy” (translated into 20+ languages) – we work off disappointment through the kidneys and one of the best for kidney health is goldenrod. So you could make some tea out of that I suppose. I also recommend reminding yourself that it’s football and we’re lucky to have the luxury of caring about stuff like that.

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A Thursday Links Package (Because Nothing is Happening)

| March 5th, 2020


I have nothing to write about today. But other people wrote stuff. So I’m sharing that stuff with you.

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168 Comments

Three Questions with a Bears Fan, Episode I: Reverend Dave

| March 4th, 2020

The following the first of many pieces in a new conversation series, Three Questions with a Bears Fan. There was no other choice to kick this off other than Reverend Dave. If you don’t know who he is, go back and listen to the dozens upon dozens of “sermons” and “Reverend’s Rants” he provided over the years. He’s a jerk. But he’s our jerk.


DBB: You are a Bears fan. You are also my friend. If you were offered the Bears winning the 2021 Super Bowl in exchange for my developing a non-terminal illness like scabies, would you make that deal?

Reverend Dave: You’re my friend, I would let you develop scabies in exchange for a few free Old Styles at the Goat. Scabies isn’t permanent. I would make that deal in a heartbeat. Hell, remember that moment of euphoria when Hester returned the opening kickoff in that Super Bowl? I would give you alopecia to relive that moment again, much less an actual Bears’ Super Bowl win that I’m old enough to remember.

(Later, an email.)

I just remembered! When I came back from Cameroon I had this nasty looking bug bite on my arm. My girlfriend at the time was convinced it was some terrible tropical disease and to show her it was nothing I rubbed it on her arm. Welp, I was wrong. It was ringworm. She was pissed. 

Id say her getting ringworm was worth the laugh I still get from that story. So there is little non-lethal I wouldn’t subject you to for a Super Bowl win. 


DBB: You have a child now. Did having a child make you like the Bears less? You know, because of “perspective”?

Reverend Dave: Nope. I don’t get the whole having a child changes your whole perspective on life thing. I love my daughter, she’s awesome, doesn’t mean I suddenly like cheap domestic beer or Bears football any less. There’s a much greater chance me liking my daughter less in the future. I mean, I can’t like the Bears less than the Jimmy Clausen game, but my daughter is just starting a lifetime of opportunities to do things to make me like her less. 

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ATM: Is Ryan Pace’s Former Crush Marcus Mariota the Right Target?

| March 3rd, 2020

Ryan Pace’s first draft quarterback crush could be the guy who saves his job.

The young GM had been on the job for just a few months and the rumor mill was swirling. The thought was that he wanted to package Jay Cutler with the seventh overall pick for the second pick and the chance to select Marcus Mariota. When asked about the possible trade, Pace didn’t say much. He also didn’t deny it.

The Titans balked and took Mariota. The Bears stayed at seven, took Kevin White and stuck with Cutler for two more years. It’s safe to say they might both have been worse off than if they had just done the deal.

On the surface Mariota doesn’t seem like much of an upgrade over Trubisky.

  • Mariota has a career passer rating of 89.6, averaging 7.5 yards per attempt and throws touchdowns on 4.4 percent of his attempts.
  • Trubisky’s rating sits at 85.8 with 6.7 yards per attempt and a touchdown percentage of 3.8.
  • The Titans have gone 29-32 in Mariota’s starts and their offense exploded in 2019 after he was benched and another former first round disappointment Ryan Tannehill led them to the AFC Championship game.
  • The Bears have gone 23-18 with Trubisky.

But the raw numbers don’t really tell the story of Mariota. Or Trubisky, for that matter.

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Why I Decided Not to Sell DaBearsBlog.

| March 2nd, 2020


I was taught to never bury the lede, so I won’t.

Last Monday, after months of communication with some good folks, I was presented with a serious, generous offer for DaBearsBlog. The deal would have added five figures to my checking account balance, while moving ownership of this entire platform to people not me (and Noah) for the very first time. They wanted to keep me involved and pay me for that involvement. They wanted my voice to remain with the site and Twitter feed. But neither would be mine any longer.

On Friday I respectfully turned that offer down.


A Bit of Personal History.

Years ago I took a temp gig at the Corcoran Group real estate office on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. After being there a few months, and not being particularly good at the gig, Barbara Corcoran (before becoming a television star) called me into the office. “Jeff,” she implausibly said, “Would you be interested in taking over as office manager here?”

“Are you serious?” I asked. A lot of people say something like that out of a sense of jubilation or faux humility. I legitimately thought she was joking. Two days earlier, after a way-too-late night at the Dublin House on 79th Street, I’d fallen asleep twice at my desk. When I got called into the office, I thought she was canning me.

“Yes,” she said, laughing. “The job is all about making the brokers happy and the brokers all tell me they love you.”

This was true. The brokers did love me because I went drinking with the brokers almost every night. I slept on a few of their couches and in one of their beds. I’m good at drinking with people.

The Office Manager gig paid $65,000 a year with full benefits. At that time I was living paycheck to paycheck and the paychecks were small. I told Barbara I would let her know the next day and she was cool with that.

That night I went to one of my favorite bars, Druids in Hell’s Kitchen. I wanted to think about it over my favorite pint of Guinness in the city. I ran into my buddy Geoff Cohen, with whom I’d worked closely on the team that started the now-defunct New York Musical Theatre Festival. The festival was getting ready to launch a week and a half later.

“The festival is fucked,” he told me. “Two of our house managers on 45th Street quit.” I had been in the room when the festival was conceived, in the room when the shows were selected, in the room when these spaces were chosen. I felt I owned a small part of the thing.

The next morning I told Barbara I was going to house manager for NYMF and get paid $2,000 for the month. No benefits. No long-term prospects.

She looked at me and said, “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

The decision to spend those 32 days living in NYMF theatres led to every serious connection I’ve made in the theatre. It wasn’t financially prudent. It wasn’t safe. But it was true to me. It was, for lack of a better word, right.


Previous Offers.

This is not the first time someone has tried to acquire DaBearsBlog.

The Athletic wanted us in their early stages. Those inane conversations included one of their editors telling me, “You can be DaBearsBlog but you can’t call it DaBearsBlog.” I’m still not sure what that meant. Was it metaphysical?

The Sun-Times inquired. We famously made our ChicagoNow mistake. Almost every single large-scale blog network has reached out at one time or another, but none of those relationships made any sense to me. There were two earlier purchase attempts but neither, quite frankly, was as impressive as this one. I never considered them seriously. I did in this case.

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Combine Focus: A Deeper Dive into the Bears Need for Speed

| February 27th, 2020

The NFL gathers this week in Indianapolis for the NFL Combine (or Underwear Olympics, as Jeff prefers to call them), when fans throw out years of game film and focus instead on numbers from a few tests done without pads on watch eagerly to see how well their favorite players perform in a number of drills testing athleticism.

No drill is more popular than the 40 yard dash, the purest measure of straight line speed that we have. While results of these few seconds often get over-weighted, speed is lethal in the NFL, and one of the (many) problems with Chicago’s offense is that they don’t have enough of it among their skill position players – RBs, TEs, and WRs. To better illustrate that, let’s dig into the numbers.


What Counts as Fast?

To start with, let’s figure out what average speed looks like in the NFL.

Defining this is more difficult than you might imagine, because getting an average first requires defining a sample.

I was able to find two different studies that did this, with different samples and thus different results.

  • The first is MockDraftable, which provides the average for all Combine times at every position since 1999. However, not all players at the Combine end up playing in the NFL, and some not at the Combine do.
  • The 2nd study by Topher Doll looked at all players who appeared in at least 5 NFL games since 2000 and found, unsurprisingly, faster averages nearly across the board than just plain Combine averages.

The table below shows the average 40 time for running backs, wide receivers, and tight ends for each study.

As we can see, those are quite a bit different. Since the Doll study is based on players who actually made it to the NFL, I think that’s probably a better reference value to use as average speed for a position.


Chicago’s Speed

Now let’s look at the 40 times for every player who recorded a carry or target for Chicago in 2019.

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ATM: Bears Need Speed

| February 26th, 2020

[Editor’s Note: Andrew and Data have taken on the same subject this week by pure coincidence. Today, Andrew looks at this problem facing the Bears from 30,000 feet. Tomorrow, Data dives deep.]


With the release of Taylor Gabriel last week, the Chicago Bears need to be searching for speed at the NFL Scouting Combine in Indianapolis this week.

The only true receiver on this roster (Cordarrelle Patterson is not a true receiver) who ran the 40 faster than 4.5 seconds is Anthony Miller. His times ranged from the mid-4.4s to low-4.5s at his pro day. Otherwise, the team has Allen Robinson, who ran a 4.6, Javon Wims in the low-to-mid 4.5s and Riley Ridley at close to a 4.6. The successful versions of the offense the Bears are trying to run have always had speed as a crucial component. The Bears don’t have it.

When the Kansas City Chiefs thought they might be without Tyreek Hill (4.29) for at least a part of 2020, they invested a high pick in Mecole Hardman (4.33). Recognizing a general lack of speed, the Philadelphia Eagles traded for DeSean Jackson last year and saw their offense struggle when he was injured.

When the Eagles won the Super Bowl two years ago, they had Torrey Smith, Nelson Agholor and Alshon Jeffery: three guys who ran sub-4.5 40 times. The Bears have none.

Speed isn’t everything when it comes to receivers, but it certainly has proven to be an important part of Matt Nagy’s offense. It isn’t just about stretching the field and hitting deep passes, the Bears averaged 0.45 more yards per running play when Gabriel was on the field last year.

The 2020 NFL draft is generally thought to be a good place to find whatever kind of receiver a team needs. Some speedsters to keep in mind are Penn St.’s KJ Hamler and Jalen Reagor of TCU, although more names could surface after they blaze the track later this week.

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Pace & Nagy Meet the Media in Indianapolis

| February 25th, 2020


Everybody has written their “here’s what we need to hear from Pace and Nagy” column in the lead-up to today’s media session. I’ll spare you mine.

Here’s the truth: we’re not going to hear anything. This is the tightest ship at Halas Hall since I started doing this in 2005. The leadership – for the most part – does not leak. And more to the point, they do not give away their personnel strategies. So don’t expect them to discuss their quarterback room or available tight ends. Don’t expect them to reveal their self-evaluations along the offensive line.

Expect optimism. There are reasons for it.

Expect cliches and platitudes. This is American sports, after all.

Expect lies. And lots of them.

Expecting more is a mistake.

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