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Short Play: Stan and the Stan, or Bears at Chargers Week 8 Game Preview

| October 27th, 2023

Stan, an objective fan of the Chicago Bears, can’t sleep. Retired for over a year, and widowed for slightly longer, he spends the late hours of the evenings listening to Chicago sports radio and giving fake interviews to the hosts about his beloved franchise, hoping his endless droning will trick him into slumber. It never works. 

Knowing his local dive is open at 7 AM and knowing a few of the fellas who might frequent the tavern at that hour, Stan wanders around the corner. When he enters, only one seat is occupied, by a younger man, eagerly scrolling on his cell phone, adorned in a #1 Justin Field jersey. 

Sheila, beautiful and pregnant, is behind the bar. She hasn’t turned on the tavern’s only television because she can’t find the remote. 

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Sheila: What are you doing here?

Stan: You have coffee on?

Sheila: Yep. Gonna put in a breakfast order from The Greeks, you want anything?

Stan: No, I’m okay.

Sheila (to #1): How about you?

#1: Nah, I’m good.

Stan (sitting beside #1): Good game Sunday, huh?

#1: Yea, they finally got a win.

Stan: The kid quarterback played well too.

#1: (Reluctantly) Sure. (Then) He could actually be a good backup down the road.

Stan: Why do you say that?

#1: Say what?

Stan: Why do you say he could only be a good backup?

#1: Did you see his stats? (#1 holds up his phone to Stan, where he’d be staring at the Tyson Bagent completion chart on Twitter.) He didn’t complete a pass more than 15 yards downfield.

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Raiders at Bears Game Preview: Bagent Orange, Orange Kitties, Orange You Glad I Picked the Bears?

| October 20th, 2023


Why Do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?

I.

Always.

Like.

THE.

Chicago.

Bears.


Secret…BAGENT Man!

Here’s how I am choosing to treat the Justin Fields injury: it’s a relief. The Justin Fields conversation was growing more tedious by the day. Tyson Bagent provides three opportunities.

First, he could be a long-term backup option for this organization. Those guys are invaluable.

Second, it will be interesting to see how the offense runs when run correctly. There was a noticeable difference, a flow, when Bagent entered the game Sunday. He was limited, of course, by his physical abilities, but the offense moved the ball with more cohesion after Fields exited. The ball was out quick, on-time, in the hands of playmakers. Let’s see if that continues.

Third, the longshot: what if he’s good? What if he goes out Sunday and puts up a 27-38, 310, 2? I know, I know, he’s an undrafted free agent, Jeff! But don’t we have enough evidence to prove NFL franchises are clueless when it comes to evaluating college quarterbacks? And is being an UDFA really all that different than being Mr. Irrelevant, like the fella in San Francisco?

The Sun-Times caught hell for their cover, but Bagent makes Sunday’s game against the Raiders more fun for this aging Bears blogger. My story is written on Fields.


Top Ten Cats in Cinema

(10) The Siamese Cats, Lady and the Tramp (1955)

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(9) All 52 Cats of Grey Gardens, Grey Gardens (1975)

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(8) The one on Marlon Brando’s Lap, The Godfather (1972)

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(7) Blofeld’s Cat, From Russia with Love (1963)

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(6) Cheshire Cat – played by Telly Savalas, Alice in Wonderland (1985)

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(5) Thomas O’Malley, The Artistocats (1970)

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(4) Oliver, Oliver & Company (1988)

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(3) Garfield, Garfield’s Thanksgiving (1989)

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(2) The Cat, Inside Llewyn Davis (2013)

A cat so interesting it has caused the brilliant Dana Stevens, who wrote an essential book on Buster Keaton, to pen think pieces for The Atlantic about it.

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(1) The Orange Guy, The Long Goodbye (1973)

Is this the best sentence ever found on the internet, re: The Long Goodbye? “Another website claims the cat was played by a feline thespian named Chauncey Scratchet.”

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Vikings at Bears Game Preview: A Potential Season, Pick Power Poll, Book Club, Another Win?

| October 13th, 2023


Why Do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?

I.

Always.

Like.

THE.

Chicago.

Bears.


On the Potentiality of an Interesting Season

Thought experiment.

Pretend Matt Eberflus’ brain didn’t turn to hot soup against the Denver Broncos and the Bears won that ballgame. The team would be 2-3, on the periphery of the wildcard conversation, with a chance to win their third straight against a Justin Jefferson-less Minnesota Vikings this Sunday. This would be a massive contest.

But Eberflus’ brain did turn to split pea, and this is not a massive contest. But that doesn’t mean it is unimportant. Just remember, if the Bears win Sunday, they will be 2-4, with a mediocre Raiders team coming to town next week, bringing with them a big, shiny opportunity to be 3-4. And isn’t hovering around .500 with an improving Justin Fields exactly what most of us expected from this campaign?

The Bears could not lose that Broncos game. And they did. Because of that, they needed to win the next three in order to insert relevance into their season.

Washington.

Minnesota. [ ]

Los Angeles [ ]


Stats of the Week

  • Bears have started solving their run game, increasing their average to north of 130 yards per game in recent weeks. That is 50 yards more per game on the ground than Minnesota averages. This is Chicago’s most significant advantage.
    • The Vikings and Steelers are the only teams in the NFL without a rushing touchdown.
  • Justin Jefferson is 6th in catches, 3rd in total yards, 1st in big plays. His absence cannot be overstated; he is the best player on this team by a significant margin and it is a huge advantage for the Bears that he won’t be playing. Minnesota still has receiving talent, especially TJ Hockenson and Jordan Addison, but those players should prove far more manageable without Jefferson on the field.
  • Only one quarterback has thrown more touchdown passes than Justin Fields: Kirk Cousins.

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Bears at Commanders: Thursday Night Football Game Preview

| October 5th, 2023

Abbreviated game preview for an abbreviated week.


Why Do I Like the Chicago Bears this Week?

I.

Always. 

Like.

THE.

Chicago.

Bears.


Eberflus Era Effectively Ended. 

Mike Francesa is a legend of sports radio, a national pioneer of the form, and a New York City icon. Much of how I think about the world of sports has been framed by Mike and his longtime partner, Chris “Mad Dog” Russo, as the pair provided the soundtrack of my youth, their voices blaring from an old beat-up radio as my brothers and I engaged in a series of intense Wiffle Ball battles in our driveway. Many of the phrases I fall back on as a sportswriter came directly from their mouths.

Mike does a podcast now, and during football season he reflects on each Jets and Giants game immediately after the games conclude. Late Sunday evening, he took a single detour from his commentary on the Jets loss to the Chiefs, to laugh at Matt Eberflus. Why? Because Matt Eberflus is now a national punchline.

When projecting the Bears to an 8-9 record this season, a campaign meant to be defined by progress, two assumptions were made. First, that the quarterback would elevate his game from a C+ to a B+ and provide the evidence required to end the endless search at the position. The second, far less ballyhooed, that the coach would be a stabilizing force within the organization; his program one that can produce a champion. The former is still a question to be debated. The latter is a question settled. Eberflus cannot be the head coach of the Chicago Bears in 2024. The question that remains is should he remain the head coach in 2023?

Eberflus is a defensive head coach, and the Bears have the second-worst defense in the league in his second year. We can criticize the talent on that side of the ball all we want but Flus had the assets required this off-season to build whatever defense he wanted. What is the point of having a defensive head coach in the modern NFL if that coach CAN’T DO MORE WITH LESS? If Flus requires stars at every level of the defense, he is no different than three dozen other defensive coaches around the league, most of whom carry titles like “Outside Linebackers Coach” (and the appropriate salary to accompany that title).

And his in-game management is shocking. He has no feel for his own players. He has no feel for the opposing players. He is a nightmare when it comes to clock management. And last Sunday, he quite simply cost his team a victory with decisions late that defied reason. It’s over for Eberflus. To quote the great Clifford Odets script for Sweet Smell of Success, “The cat’s in the bag and the bag’s in the river.”

If the Bears lose tonight, the organization needs to be strong and move on from Flus tomorrow.

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