Week 18: Saturday NFL Open Thread
I.
Always.
Like.
THE.
Chicago.
Bears.
I was asked by @AlexBryant93, as I tweeted from behind the sticks, what mixed drink Justin Fields might be. So, I spent some time ruminating on the topic.
First, let’s rule some drinks out. Fields is not your classic NFL quarterback so we can rule out the classics like the Old Fashioned, Manhattan, Martini, Vodka tonic, etc. (Is there a more vodka tonic quarterback than Kirk Cousins?)
Fields seems to struggle with the simple stuff. He doesn’t always hit the layups. So, I would argue he’s not a vodka soda, or vodka cran, or even a Jameson ginger.
But he’s explosive, and fun. He’s got an electric deep-ball arm and might be the most dynamic runner in the game. So, I want a fun alcohol in the conversation. I also want something with an element not found in any other mixed cocktail.
And so it is decided. Justin Fields is an espresso martini. 2 oz of Mr. Black coffee liqueur. 2 oz of freshly made espresso. 1 oz of simple syrup. A dash of bitters. And shake the shit out of it. That extra element? A few espresso beans sprinkled atop the drink as garnish.
(And if you’re ever at PJ Horgan’s in Sunnyside, Queens, I make the best espresso martini in town.)
I.
Always.
Like.
THE.
Chicago.
Bears.
I got nothing.
How many times can I write the same thing about Justin Fields?
How many times can I write the same thing about Matt Eberflus?
Sometimes a season just needs to end and that is definitively the case for the 2023 Chicago Bears. This season needs to end, and the organization needs to make their decisions at quarterback and coach. Nothing will change this coming Sunday. Nothing will change the Sunday after.
I hope the Bears beat the Falcons because winning is more fun than losing and they already are guaranteed a top two pick in the draft. That is the entirety of what’s at stake at Soldier Field, a potentially fun afternoon.
Jonathan Glazer’s The Zone of Interest is one of the most remarkable films I have ever seen.
First, a plot summary, in the briefest sense. The film is a domestic drama, but the domicile in question is the home of Auschwitz commandant Rudolf Höss, situated directly outside the high walls of the concentration and extermination camp in question. Throughout the film, we engage the Höss family as if they were any other German family, i.e. the stress of visiting in-laws, the drama of a work transfer, etc. We watch in detail as Rudolf, the family’s patriarch, locks the doors and turns out the lights each evening. We see birthday cakes and visits to the local creek for recreation.
We never see the atrocities of the camp. But throughout the film, we hear constant reminders of what is happening inside those walls. Gun shots. Screams. The most horrifying cinematic soundscape I can remember.
There will be time, years, to discuss this film further. Glazer might be the modern Kubrick; he’s made three other films (Sexy Beast, Birth, Under the Skin) and each is brilliant. But for now, I want to use this space to encourage you to find Zone of Interest and sit with it. It is a film that questions the very nature of how we construct narratives of history, and how those narratives are consumed. Glazer has said the film is “not a history lesson, it’s a warning.” That warning haunts me.
This is the film of the year.
On Sunday, against the Arizona Cardinals, the Bears were exactly who they have been since Montez Sweat arrived in the middle of the 2023 season. They play terrific defense, at least for most of the game. Their quarterback is one of the most electric runners in the league, and also a mediocrity at every other element of the position. (Even Mark Sanchez was frustrated at the speed at which Fields processed the action.) Their head coach looks primed to let every big lead slip away, but this Sunday the opponent simply wasn’t up to the task. In a league where most teams reside in the middle of the pack, so do these Chicago Bears, and that was most everyone’s preseason expectation.
So why does this season feel like a disappointment?
The answers are simple: Denver, Detroit, Cleveland.
If the Chicago Bears, and their defensive head coach, simply held on to those three double-digit, fourth quarter leads in games where they were clearly the superior team, their record would be 9-6. They would be firmly in the postseason, threatening the Cowboys for the fifth seed and keeping the Lions honest at the top of the division. They would have overcome their embarrassing start to the season, a disaster on and off the field. They would have weathered a multigame stretch with a backup quarterback whose last start was against the Colorado School of Mines. To quote The Great British Bake Off‘s Prue Leith, this season would have been a “triumph.”
But it’s not. Now Ryan Poles and Kevin Warren have decisions to make, and those decisions will come down to a fundamental question: do they believe the coach and quarterback are capable of improvement? Objectively speaking, neither has been good enough in 2023 to warrant confidence in them moving forward. Confidence in them moving forward would require a belief in their potential, and both men have done enough to suggest they are capable of being winning assets for the franchise.
But is that a risk worth taking when you have the first pick in a QB-friendly draft? Is that a risk worth taking when Jim Harbaugh is refusing to sign a $100 million plus extension at Michigan because it requires him not flirting with the NFL this offseason?
I doubt most will understand why this is the image for today’s thread.
But those who do will enjoy it.
I.
Always.
Like.
THE.
Chicago.
Bears.
Last week I cared very much about the outcome of the Chicago Bears game.
This week I don’t.
This team, the 2023 edition of the Chicago Bears, has no business being outside the playoffs. If they don’t blow three double-digit, fourth-quarter leads, they would be 8-6 and sizing up a winnable first-round matchup in Detroit come January. But because they don’t have it at quarterback, and they don’t have it at head coach, they are 5-9 and playing out the string.
This is not my casting a verdict on either Fields or Flus. I don’t care anymore, honestly. When it comes to Fields, it is the most boring discourse I’ve encountered since starting this project in 2005. Never has so much debate centered around a mediocre player. Chips down, I would likely move on from both men immediately after the season. But a strong finish, winning out, would give the Bears an 8-9 campaign, and that is exactly what I expected from this season. So, if this group reaches my preseason expectations, what rationale do I have for advocating their removal?
But that’s all these stretch games are, a chance for Fields and Flus to make something of a closing summation. They’ve called their witnesses, presented their evidence, and done their cross examinations. The trial is effectively over. Home Cardinals, home Falcons, at Packers are an opportunity for the coach and quarterback to restate their case to the jury – Ryan Poles, Kevin Warren, George McCaskey – one final time. And that is operating under the assumption that this particular jury has not already reached their decision. (Which, let’s be honest, would be hard to believe.)
This is garbage time. Draw conclusions from the results at your own peril.
10. The Christmas Song, Nat King Cole’s iconic rendition
9. Back Door Santa, Clarence Carter
8. It Feels Like Christmas from Muppet Christmas Carol, Paul Williams
7. Donde Esta Santa Claus, Augie Rios
6. Peace on Earth/The Little Drummer Boy, David Bowie and Bing Crosby
5. Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas, Mel Torme’s rendition on the Home Alone soundtrack
4. December the Twenty Fifth from Scrooge, Leslie Bricusse (Correct!)
3. Hard Candy Christmas, Dolly Parton
2. Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis, Tom Waits
1. Fairytale of New York, The Pogues (RIP Shane)
