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Bears vs. Bengals Practice Game: A Running Diary

| August 10th, 2018

What follows will be a stream of consciousness blog, written in real time as I watch the the Bears and Bengals practice against each, in pads, with referees and paying fans. There will be no editing after the fact and, honestly, very little done while I’m writing. 


6:48 PM (All times presented in Eastern Standard)

One thing matters tonight: health. Here’s hoping every Bears starter that jogs onto the field, jogs off the field. The Bears starters could look terrific or look like total shit. Who cares? The season is still a full month away. Mitch Trubisky just met this entire receiving corps, with the exception of Kevin White. One would hope their chemistry would be drastically improved in September.


6:55 PM

I drink. A lot. But I also take off chunks of time, famously the first two months of every year. I haven’t had a drink in a week and it’s very funny to watch how my sweet tooth develops as a result. (There is so much damn sugar in booze.) Today I saw M&M peanuts at the grocery store and it was like the most beautiful girl in the world offered me a handy in the candy aisle. (Good name for a song – “Handy in the Candy”) I couldn’t resist. As I write this, I’m eating them like popcorn.


7:00 PM

I never knew Cincinnati was referred to “The Queen City”. Maybe in the second half I’ll google why. I’ve never been to Cincinnati. I can’t for the life of me think of a reason I would go to Cincinnati, unless Cincinnati Playhouse in the Park wanted to produce something of mine.

And the Bengals’ play-by-play guy just referred to the Bears as “the 0-1 Chicago Bears”. Do broadcasters really do that? They use win/loss record in the preseason to label the opponent?


7:07 PM

KICKOFF! Taquan Mizzell is back to return. So I see the Bears are very concerned with tonight’s game.


7:09 PM

Trubisky throws a bullet into the hands of Kevin White and he drops it. On the play, Trubisky got “roughed”. That’s what you want, your starting QB and the future of the franchise taking cheap shots from the league’s dirtiest team. In a practice game.


7:13 PM

Trubisky just took off on third down and I literally screamed “NO!”


7:15 PM

People seem to think I want them to hate the preseason too. I literally don’t care what anybody does for enjoyment, as long as its within the boundaries of the law. I watch Golf Channel 10 hours a day. I don’t expect other people to do that. I have multiple Fiddler on the Roof cast recordings in my car. I don’t care if you share my opinions. But that ain’t gonna stop me from sharing them.


7:21 PM

John Timu. Apparently got slower.

I have golf on my actual TV and they run commercials constantly for a local casino called Empire City. Here’s what I don’t get: why? The ad is just people walking out of the casino building with a pile of cash. They don’t advertise what’s special about their place. They just advertise that you can walk in without a lot of money and walk out with way more. Why does this require advertising? Everybody knows what a casino is. Just flash the address.


7:27 PM

Taquan draw on first down. Exciting shit.


7:28 PM

Taquan handoff on second down. Nothing like making sure you have a chance to watch the fourth best running back. Third and long for Trubisky. This will work out just fine when you’re not running your team’s actual plays.


7:33 PM

Kyle Fuller pick six. Yay.


7:35 PM

There’s no way in hell I’d have Eddie Goldman and Akiem Hicks still in this game. We know what they are. Why waste their legs here?


7:37 PM

ALERT. Marcus Cooper can’t cover A.J. Green. Or Al Green. Or anybody else, really. And Andy Dalton is padding his preseason stats by just throwing at nobody else.


7:43 PM

14-7 Bengals. Bears have looked awful at just about everything. Which is weird because I thought Taquan Mizzell was going to have a BIG season.


7:46 PM

All starters have exited. The Bengals broadcasters have not quite noticed. Anthony Munoz, by the way, is convinced every player on Cincinnati is great. You’d think this was the ’84 Niners.


7:47 PM

Too quick throws and nice catches by Adam Shaheen. And now I’d imagine he’ll be done for the night.


7:50 PM

Question. Why do so many people act like Donald Trump didn’t exist before he became President? Prior to his election he was known, by everyone in New York City, as a serial philandered, liar, and Russian money launderer. The joke in the city was there were never any lights on in Trump buildings because the Russians who owned the units had never been there. Yet after this moron country elects him, all of the shit we knew for years is suddenly forgotten?


7:52 PM

It’s against the second team but Shaheen is the best player on the field. Now…why is he still ON THE FUCKING FIELD?


7:55 PM

I think Marvin Lewis gained weight. Ah, who fucking knows. Maybe he didn’t. His gut is definitely bigger. And he’s wearing black.


7:58 PM

Nickname idea. “Taquan or Leave One”.


8:01 PM

Fed the cats. Grabbed some more M&Ms. Is this what my life would be like if Sarah didn’t exist? Would I spend evenings gorging on candy and watching sporting events I don’t want to watch? It’s quite possible.


8:03 PM

I’ve already stopped watching this game.


8:07 PM

Rickie Fowler has continued the trend in golf of golfers referring to their play with “we” instead of “I”. It’s insane. Jordan Spieth started it and it needs to end.


8:16 PM

How do we all feel about Nagy’s bald guy/visor look? I think I like it but the visor plays so much better with a nice, thick quaff of hair underneath. What say you?


8:28 PM

Halftime report. And it’s still a few minutes from halftime but who cares? Nobody looked great for the Bears tonight. But I will say this. Marcus Cooper, Kevin White and John Timu looked like players that don’t belong on the professional field. I’m going to writing a negative piece on White for Monday. I think it’s time to move on.


8:38 PM

I’ve debated not watching the second half three times. But what else am I gonna watch? It’s Thursday night and I have a 6:42 AM tee time tomorrow. I’m not gonna go out.  So I’ll see here and watch Bray do dumb shit for the next hour and fall asleep.


8:47 PM

People always ask me how much money I make off DBB and the answer would make them laugh if I told them. But what I always think is Adam Jahns, Rick Pearson, JQ. Three close friends I’ve gained specifically because of the work I’ve done on this site. Three people who’ve helped Chicago become my second home. Fuck money. It’s easy to throw money away. Those bastards are part of my life.


8:51 PM

SECOND HALF! C’mon, be honest. You’re excited.


8:57 PM

I missed everything that just happened. I actually forgot the game was on the iPad while I watched Live From the PGA Championship. Bears on offense!


9:00 PM

Tyler Bray just threw the most lifeless pass downfield I’ve ever seen. The corner had to come back five yards to pick it off. Unless there’s a 40 MPH wind in Cincy, it was enough to get that boy cut.


9:06 PM

I’ve been watching Judd Apatow’s Zen Diaries of Garry Shandling the last few days. It’s made me think deeply about what it means to be successful in life. I guess that means it’s a successful documentary. I’m going to write more about this topic soon. Probably not on DBB. But then again, why not? How much football can you actually read about?


9:15 PM

I’m done. Go check Data’s Twitter feed for serious analysis of this crap.

Tagged: , , , , ,

  • SC Dave

    I guess preseason must be important if it means Cooper, Timu, and White don’t belong on a professional football field. For what it’s worth, I agree.

  • If PS games don’t matter, PS articles about said games matter less.

    Ergo. Let Data and Andy handle PS games.

    They’re not as jaded

    And it will give you more time to write about Tiger and cats.

    • SC Dave

      Well, I thought:
      TEs in general looked pretty good catching the ball
      Bray looked like a viable backup
      Daniels really didn’t
      Kick coverage was solid

  • Russian Hacked Pacebot 2.0

    I watched the first half and I think we all said….at the same time, “John Timu, Marcus Cooper and Kevin White are not making this team.

    Wow.

  • Thompson Way

    Donald Trump, known as a serial philandered, liar, and Russian money launderer. Ha ha….. Trump reminds me of an old boss that I absolutely hated, but in the end seemed to get things done, and hold people accountable. Glad the guy left, but will miss the heightened work level of everyone around me. Two more years, right???

    • SC Dave

      Don’t be surprised if its 6 more.

      • Sebas Bear

        especially if hillary runs again

        • leftcoastdave

          If her handlers can keep her off the sauce and on her feet.

          • John F

            If her handlers can keep her off the sauce and on her feet.

            That’s making fun of the disabled elderly …. shame on you ……

          • AlbertInTucson

            The truth is its own defense.

        • AlbertInTucson

          She doesn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell of being nominated again.

          She’s already come out as saying she “..wasn’t socialist enough for her party.”.

          The DNC wishes she would just STFU.

      • Johnnywad

        I think he wins again. When 401ks are healthy, unemployment is really low, and the economy is growing like it is, it’s hard to see him getting the boot.

        Though I could see a scenario where the economy overheats and pulls back a bit. Timing is everything.

    • Big Mike

      If you got paid, then it’s not like working for Trump

  • We actually saw a few of the actual offensive staples I expect the Bears to have this year last night, but not until the 2nd half. I guess Nagy doesn’t think teams will scout film as much then, or doesn’t care as much when it’s being run by guys who won’t make the team. A few of the key things I noticed:

    1) A lot of pre-snap motion. This is a staple of Reid’s offense and a good way for the QB to get a read on the defense. It especially is a tell for man vs. zone, though of course defenses come up with counters to try and fool the QB around this.

    2) The jet sweep. Ayers scored a TD on this, and the Bears reportedly have worked on it heavily in camp. I expect it (or the fake of it) to be used a good bit in this offense with players like Cohen, Gabriel, and Miller who are dangerous with the ball in their hands. Defenses have to respect it, but IMO more often than not it will be used to open things up for a quick pass on the opposite side of the field.

    3) A lot of 12 looks late in the game (1 RB, 2 TE, 2 WR). This will be a staple of Chicago’s offense, only it will be with Burton, Shaheen, and Sims, not Brown, Brauneker, and Thompson.

    • leftcoastdave

      As you mentioned last night, Daniels looked like our #1 center. A lot of what was happening last night involved testing the big uglies in the trenches. I missed portions of the game, but it looked to me John Jenkins is on his way out and Jordan Morgan is being tested and not making the grade. I might buy in to the all 22 if I find myself with spare time over the weekend.

      • Here’s where I’m at with Daniels: he dominated against backups. When a rookie dominates, that means it’s time to move them up a string and test them against better players.

        Bears did it with Wims last week. He played against 2s this week, and was much quieter. That tells them something about where he’s at.

        This week they practice and play against Denver. Try Daniels with the 1s and see how he does against good players like Derek Wolfe and Domata Peko.

      • John F

        Don’t worry, we’ll play a guard at center and a center at guard …….. it’s the Bears, remember?

  • I also found it interesting that coaches had both Bullard and RRH playing into the 4th quarter. That’s very rare for starters, and means they’re sending a message.

    • Russian Hacked Pacebot 2.0

      RRH did not impact anything when he was in there.

      • neither did Bullard. And that’s a problem when both are expected to impact plays against starters this year but are invisible against 3rd stringers in the preseason.

        • John F

          They have never made impact plays ….. ever.

          Why would they start now?!?

          • Bullard has always had the occasional flash impact play. The issue with him has been consistency.

  • leftcoastdave

    I see Rosenbum is whining that the 1s should have stayed on the field longer.

    • EnderWiggin

      Screw that. I see Trubisky take two sacks from behind and I’m begging for him to come out of the game.

      • Johnnywad

        “Take two sacks from behind….”

        Heh

    • AlbertInTucson

      He’s still employed?

  • Hippy

    Comedy and football… excellent typing Jeff

  • Malice Halice

    Cincinnati is home of the Underground Railroad museum. It’s right on the border next to da bengals n baseball stadium. It’s quite a sight honestly! Highly recommend going there.

    • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

      Do underground trains really need a museum? They aren’t that different from above ground trains.

      • Malice Halice

        Naw bro, da Harriet Tubman thang.

        • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

          I know, just trolling a little.

          • AlbertInTucson

            New York actually HAS an underground transit museum in Brooklyn in an old Subway station.

            It was used in the original THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123.

          • evantonio

            if you wanna doo-doo rhyme then come see me

          • AlbertInTucson

            Sorry, I don’t get that.

          • evantonio

            beastie boys lyrics. song called sure shot:

            well it’s the taking of the pelham 123
            if you want a doo-doo rhyme then come see me

          • John F

            It was used in the original THE TAKING OF PELHAM 123.

            Everyone needs to see the original Pelham. Seriously, leave work early, find a friend, make a bowl of popcorn and watch that movie …. you will not be disappointed.

          • AlbertInTucson

            Walter Matthau was STAR OF THE DAY on TCM.

            He’s excellent in …PELHAM… and I also recommend CHARLIE VARRICK and HOPSCOTCH. He’s good in FAIL SAFE, as well.

            One of the hijackers in PELHAM is Earl Hindman.

            He’s most famous as Tim Allen’s backyard neighbor (who youi never saw except for from his eyes up) “Wilson”.

          • John F

            Jerry Stiller, George Costanza’s father in Seinfeld is Matthau’s right hand man …..

          • AlbertInTucson

            “Rico Patrone”

            Robert Shaw, Hector Elizondo and Martin Balsam make up the rest of the hijackers.

  • SC Dave

    Just watched BIlls opening drive v. Panthers. Peterman 7 for 7 with a TD on 84 yard drive. Most passes to Benjamin; a little revenge for Kelvin

  • catfish44

    useless game.

    • SC Dave

      Fantastically useful and awesome game!

  • AlbertInTucson

    “Question. Why do so many people act like Donald Trump…’

    Because he was still the lesser evil to Hillary.

  • Malice Halice

    What’s the harshest thing u could say to a Viking fan? I can’t deal with these ppl at work today.

    • leftcoastdave

      Most superbowl losses?

      • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

        At least they were there for 4.

        • Didn’t the Bills once lose 4 SB in a row?

          • Russian Hacked Pacebot 2.0

            yeah but getting to 4 SB’s in a row is insane to begin with.

          • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

            Yep.1990-93

          • AlbertInTucson

            They pissed away the one against the Giants.

          • SC Dave

            And then got their asses handed to them three in a row.

    • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

      With the 12th overall pick the Vikings choose….Christian Ponder.

      • AlbertInTucson

        Didn’t they trade UP to get him?

        • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

          nope

    • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

      Sure Jerry, we will mortgage our future for Herschel Walker. Please take all of our future picks so you can build a dynasty.

    • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

      Vikings GM looking at a dick pic: “I got to get me some of that, fire up the plane we are heading to Mississippi.”

    • Sebas Bear

      what time does the party boat head out?

      • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

        I would have loved to be on that boat.

    • AlbertInTucson

      “So, how’d that deal for Herschel Walker workout?”

    • SC Dave

      Oh come on, where is the AP stuff?

      • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

        I felt that was hitting below the belt…

    • WP4Life

      0 and 4

    • John F

      What’s the harshest thing u could say to a Viking fan?

      1998

      • AlbertInTucson

        “Gary Anderson”.

  • Big Mike

    This “The Bears had a chance to tie, but Parkey missed a 52-yard field goal attempt with :45 left in regulation.”

    • AlbertInTucson

      We don’t want any O.T. in these games, do we?

      • Big Mike

        Fn kickers. One job

        • “Modestly” Huge Bears Penis

          You are right, however I give a little leeway over 50 yards, anything under 50 should be automatically cut.

  • bigrobstunner

    Quality analysis!!

    • SC Dave

      With emphasis on anal

  • BenderMcLugh

    hope everyone catches this year’s Persied meteor shower this weekend, here’s a cool explanation of em:
    https://apod.nasa.gov/apod/ap180808.html

    • AlbertInTucson

      Those usually show up nicely here in the skies of Arizona.

      • AlbertInTucson

        It’s Monsoon season here so, sometims, we get storms at night.

        Often as not, the rain comes in the late afternoon and the skies are crystal clear at night.

        Perfect for star gazing.

        • BenderMcLugh

          the darkest place I’ve been for star gazing was Lodore Canyon in Utah or one of the adjacent states, on its river bank camping at night. Seeing the rings of Saturn through only binocs was very cool

          • AlbertInTucson

            No street lights in my subdivision so it gets pretty dark, especially with a new moon phase.

          • SC Dave

            I want to go to Cero Paranal before I’m done.

    • AlbertInTucson

      “The meteor shower peaks Saturday evening through Monday morning. But you should also be able to spot meteors in the nights and early mornings leading up to the peak.

      A new moon means the skies will be dark for viewing, increasing the chances of seeing more meteors, according to NASA. Best viewing is after 1 a.m.”

    • Johnnywad

      I took it in last year from the bow of a pontoon boat, flat on my back, on a Northern Michigan lake, with a belly full of gin. I will never forget it. One of the more memorable and enjoyable things I’ve done.

      • BenderMcLugh

        Well done!

        • SC Dave

          Except that gin is almost as bad as tequila

          • Johnnywad

            It’s like anything else. You get what you pay for. I like Hendrick’s with a slice of cucumber or two and a splash of Tonic for color.

  • AlbertInTucson

    Derrius Guice, Redskins’ 2nd round pick – done.

    ACL.

    • Russian Hacked Pacebot 2.0

      ouch

      • AlbertInTucson

        (Shudder).

      • AlbertInTucson

        The lost a tight end to an ACL, too.

        • Johnnywad

          (Zach Miller looks up from his Reader’s Digest, pushes his glasses up his nose) ……. “Candyasses…..”

    • SC Dave

      Cry me a river.

      Kevin White, #7 pick, broken leg.

  • AlbertInTucson
    • John F

      When are they going to start confiscating guns from crazy people like that old lady???

      • beninnorcal

        You mean the ‘crazy old lady’ who defended herself from a masturbating man who was trying to follow her and break into her house?
        Yeah, she was really crazy, maybe she should have just asked him to come in instead?
        Are you high?

        • AlbertInTucson

          The only issue I see here is, she didn’t finish him off.

          • John F

            Age discrimination on her part, he should complain to the EEOC ……..

        • John F

          It is not illegal to masturbate while riding a bike, mainly due to the fact that it is very humid in Houston during the summer. I believe that during the winter you are not allowed to do this.

        • SC Dave

          No, This User is blocked is more likely being an idiot.

  • John F
  • John F

    Apparently now Roquan Smith now wants his contract fully guaranteed even if he punches Virginia McCaskey in the face or defecates on the carpet in Ryan Pace’s office:

    https://www.nbcsports.com/chicago/bears/ryan-pace-no-new-developments-stalemate-between-bears-roquan-smith

    • AlbertInTucson

      Or, jerks off while riding a bicycle.

      • BenderMcLugh

        That would just be impressive

        • John F

          Read Albert’s “In other news…” story link below …..

        • AlbertInTucson

          Unless an old lady shoots you in the chest.

          • Johnnywad

            If you’re masterbating on a bike, you have that coming.

          • AlbertInTucson

            Especially if you are trying to break into said lady’s house.

    • willbest

      He can fuck off then.

  • BuddhaJoe

    As much as it sucks I think they just need to bite the bullet and sign Roquan. I think they’re in the right at this point, but there’s no way they should trot Kwiat and Timu out there again.

    • willbest

      I think they need to make sure he misses a week of pay at this point

  • BerwynBomber

    Caught some of Darnold tonight. He looked good. Smart decisions. Nice passes on the run. Excellent instincts. And was even milking the play clock in the 4th like a veteran.

    But hey, pre-season … so who knows …

    • SC Dave

      Well, except he ran I bit too much when I watched. Bad plan in preseason in the big leagues.

  • catfish44

    Roquan smith’s holdout following the exact same path as joey bosa’s. represented by the same people. https://sportsmockery.com/2018/08/this-is-likely-when-the-roquan-smith-saga-will-end-for-bears/

  • Irish Sweetness

    Bengal fan breakdown.

  • KentuckyBearsFan

    “I drink. A lot. But I also take off chunks of time, famously the first two months of every year.”

    Is there a Bears fanatic that doesn’t have any reason to drink?

    I’ve done it. For maybe half the year even. But it generally….does not coincide with the season.

    Pot better become legal in the states or in a decade I’m going to be fighting zombies and serial killers.

  • Russian Hacked Pacebot 2.0

    Sometimes in business taking the hard line makes you really successful and sometimes it results in you being told to absolutely fuck off and you lose.

    It’s a shame that the game has gotten to the point that this is what is contained in contract negotiations. What a joke this NFL has become. The bullshit rules about who can be hit and when and how a receiver can cross the middle or the seam and guarantee themselves a penalty.

    I’m about to call it a career as a fan…..

    • willbest

      Dude wants his money if he goes all Hardy. F that. Bears are willing to give him his money for on field hits or injuries. They have the high ground, and he needs the money more than the Bears need him playing.

      If doesn’t perform like Bosa he won’t be well recieved in this town after the stunt he pulled

  • AlbertInTucson

    “@MikeFrancesa
    When you see or hear a declaration made about a coach, quarterback or team after one preseason game played at half-speed with no sophistication and limited personnel, laugh at it. Or better yet, ignore it.”

    More “Brilliance” from from a guy who has, clearly, stayed too long at the fair.

    Just now figuring that out, eh, Mike?

    “…laugh at it. Or better yet, ignore it.” is good advice for listening to you.

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