Go Dark, Young Man

| September 15th, 2009

I watched the entirety of Jay Cutler’s postgame press conference, which has apparently drawn the ire of a few former coaches/friends of Lovie Smith.  What I saw was a player terribly disappointed in his poor play but by no means defeated by the experience.  I saw a player who knows enough not to put an entire season’s stock in a game one performance.  I didn’t see an “immature” individual who “didn’t care” about his team’s loss.  But then again, I’m not Mike Martz.

Mike Martz is a douchebag but he has a long history of being a firm judge of character.  Oh wait…no he doesn’t.  The St. Louis-based website Dump Martz! tracked Martz’ unwavering support for Leonard Little throughout his DUI arrest in 2004.  Why is this important?  Because Little killed a woman while driving drunk six years earlier.  So let’s summarize.  Mike Martz does not like it if you don’t show faux-sadness in a press conference.  He does like it if you’re a completely evil fuck. 

Jay Cutler is an easy target for sports writers and television pundits because he’s not charming.  He’s not easygoing.  Peyton Manning and Brett Favre are what these kinds of guys fall in love with as they project a perfect combination of bullshit coachspeak (“It’s about those blah blah blah in the locker room”) and Aw Shucksiness.  Don’t discount their conservative southern demeanors and family-first lifestyles either.

What should Jay do?  He should cut off the media entirely.  No more press conferences, interviews, sound bites…etc.  Go dark.  Just win ballgames.  These non-stories will continue to be stories if he allows bloated, white men to interpret his body language.  Go dark.  Win ballgames. 

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