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Super Bowl Preview, Volume I: Why the Game Lacks Juice

| January 30th, 2017

“Super Bowl” is maybe the silliest name for a sporting event on earth.

What makes the game a bowl? (Bleacher Report traced the completely arbitrary origins.) Were the leaders of professional football in the late 60s so unimaginative that they just lifted nomenclature from the college game? The World Series is at least a series, even if the world has nothing to do with it. Play the game at The Rose Bowl every year if you’re going to keep the dumbo name.

And super? Really? That’s the adjective they decided upon? Even in the late 60s the word super was lame.

     Todd: Well, Jim, the game is gonna be really terrific.

     Jim: The Terrific Title Game. What do you think, Todd?

     Todd: Doesn’t pop, Jim. The name has to pop!

     Jim: The Fantastic Football Foray!

     Todd: Sounds too much like a burlesque show.

     Jim: The Super Bowl? I know it’s lame –

     Todd: Nailed it!

This Super Bowl lacks juice. Three reasons:

  • The best storyline is something that might happen after the game is over, with Goodell handing things to the New England hierarchy. People actually care about this? I don’t even watch the trophy presentation. And based on the way a majority of Super Bowls have gone, I probably won’t watch the tail end of the fourth quarter.
  • This NFL season was awful but the postseason has been a particular kind of grotesque. Outside of Cowboys/Packers, was there even an entertaining game? (Or don’t tell me that thing the Steelers and Chiefs did was entertaining.) As a huge fan of professional football, I’m hoping this season will merely be an anomaly. But I think it’d be foolish to expect this Super Bowl to save the season. Still, one can hope.
  • The Falcons. If this were the Cowboys, the game’s juice would be out of control. If this were Aaron Rodgers, the Rodgers v. Brady would make people salivate. But there’s something bland about the Falcons, even though they have the most dynamic offense in the league. I’ll be rooting for them Sunday but if they lose, it’ll take me about seventeen seconds to get over it.

Tagged: , ,

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)
  • Irish Sweetness

    Watched the pro bowl highlights. Found our safety, but he’s expensive.

    Kirk Cousins. That was sweet.

    • Huge Bears Penis

      there were highlights?

      • MB30SD

        Kirk cousins is a safety?!?!

        • Johnnywad

          Well he’s white.

          • MB30SD

            true

  • Huge Bears Penis

    Jeff’s right, this game lacks excitement. no storylines nothing. Maybe we will get lucky this next week and someone will uncover the new method the Pats using to cheat.

  • Big Mike

    Boring game, boring column, pro football was boring this year. String a few years like this together and pro football to me will be an after thought.

    • Huge Bears Penis

      I agree, there wasn’t even any rapes, murders, drug rings, or domestic violence(except a kicker).

      • Big Mike

        Atlanta’s just not a sports town. From 1991 to 2001 the Braves were in the post-season 10 straight years. They were in the NLCS 8 times and the World Series 4x. In one of those NLCS series, you could walk up and buy tickets. Same with the NBA.

        • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

          Atlanta is a town that can’t even venerate Dominique Wilkins.

        • BearDown100393

          2 NHL teams washed out.

    • MB30SD

      Yuup

  • BearDown100393

    Is the post season now meaningless also?

    • Huge Bears Penis

      Hate to break it to you but for Bears fans it has been meaningless for years.

      • BearDown100393

        Wait until next season though.

        • Huge Bears Penis

          absolutely!!!! SB here we come!

  • IMO Falcons are gonna get blown out. Two reasons:

    1) Their only strength is an explosive offense. The genius architect of that offense has been interviewing in SF for his next job. And Bill Belichick, one of the best defensive minds of this era, has 2 weeks to prepare for them (and the stingiest D in the NFL to work with).

    2) Speaking of preparation, NE has been here before. Their coaches, and half the players (including pretty much all their stars) know how to handle the absurd distractions that Super Bowl week brings with it. Atlanta does not (though Quinn does, which might help). IMO this was a big factor in DEN over CAR last year, and I think the same thing plays out here.

    Last year, that edge helped the lesser team beat the better one. This year the better team also has that edge. I see a blowout incoming.

    • Sauron’s right eyeball

      Eye see you’re mistaken. Hee hee

    • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

      Last time the Falcons were in the big game, their free safety got busted with hookers and blow in his hotel room the night before the game.

      Atlanta has a way of fucking things up royally. I agree, Pats by 10 or more.

    • BerwynBomber

      “One of the best” seems like a huge understatement …

    • MB30SD

      have to agree sadly, luckily I don’t give a fuuuuuck

    • Tortured Bear fan

      expect Falcons giving a “half game fight”

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)
    • willbest

      This seems like Kyle is going to have a lot of say in personnel decisions. Anyway, managing is more about people than it is the product. I don’t know how much actual talent evaluation the GM has to do with all their other responsibilities.

    • BerwynBomber

      Kinda rooting for Lynch if for no other reason than the one you mention …

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)
    • Sauron’s right eyeball

      Hahaha. How convenient for the narrative, my…the KGB is getting sloppy. Am eye to be led to believe the KGB now brief’s the fake news on their causualties? Boy has the spy business changed.

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        I bet he didn’t even exist and the Aussies are just copying a fake HuffPo piece.

        You better get back to pouring that concrete for your pillbox, so when the National Guard comes to take your land and guns, you are ready for the fight, Trac.

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          Dude, you are caught up in the mindfuck. Take the red pill!

    • willbest

      Are we sure he didn’t have dirt on the Clinton crime syndicate as well?

    • MB30SD

      shocking

  • BerwynBomber

    I would add a fourth bullet: Brady fatigue. Similar to Peyton fatigue. They have appeared in eleven Super Bowls (Brady in seven himself). Moreover, neither has an individual game that captures the imagination. They are tall, largely immobile, robotic, precise machines. They both comprise the ideal template for a successful NFL QB — the statuesque pocket passer — but it’s not a style that is particularly exciting.

    Oddly enough, a Brady vs. Peyton duel would indeed be must-see viewing as it always was. But seeing one of them every year in the SB became old years ago.

  • Bender McLugh

    What is with all of you saying the Pats are not exciting, Brady is boring, etc. etc. Are kidding me? I can understand not liking the guy & the patriots & DarthHoodie & all that, but to say they don’t play an exciting game is ridiculous. This SB will be exciting & I’ll be watching. Take that!

    • Huge Bears Penis

      Honestly it is not that the Pats are not exciting, they have just worn us out. There is nothing new about the Pats in the playoffs. It is expected that they go deep into the playoffs.

      • Bender McLugh

        which I understand, but I just don’t agree extending that to “not exciting football”. Whatever, no skin off my back

    • BerwynBomber

      “All”? Think it was only me. I will watch the game. Hell, I’m hoping it is a thrilling game. And NE is rarely, if ever, a boring team.

      But the 6’5″ pure pocket passer with lead feet is not the most exciting to watch QB, and more to the point, we have seen Brady or Peyton over and over and over in this game.

      So it’s more fatigue than anything else. Unless you’re an individual fan of Brady and/or NE, then hey, bully for you. (And a sweet sport rooting existence.)

      • Bender McLugh

        wasn’t singling you out man, and I can understand the Brady fatigue definitely.

        • BerwynBomber

          No worries. And for the record if I’m drafting a QB I’m looking for the Brady/Peyton template first, because it is tried and true and leads to increased longevity.

          But yeah more about seeing one or the other in the big game every year. I’m sure people even got sick of MJ and the Bulls.

          • Bender McLugh

            sick of MJ & Da Bulls?!??! Blasphemy!

    • willbest

      I am marginally interested in how many super bowl rings Brady can rack up. I am more interested in Belichick after brady though.

    • MB30SD

      I’ll be getting woken up by hippos and lions roaring in the Botswana dawn, drinking Rooibos tea and getting ready to go on our morning game drive while the game is going on.

      I couldn’t give a smaller fuck if I was a midget about this game.

    • Big Mike

      They aren’t exciting. They are precise. 4 yards, 10 yards, 8 yards. On defense they allow some first downs but its tough to score. They are just consistent. Boring… like golfing with a scratch golfer. They’re playing every shot from the same spot. Up and down in regulation, 2 put.

      • Bender McLugh

        Precise IS exciting! WOOHOO!!!

        • Big Mike

          If it’s your team, it sure is. But for general entertainment a team that is all over the place is more fun to watch.

  • Bender McLugh

    The best defense against the best offense. Boring I tell ya!

    • BerwynBomber

      The scary thing for ATL is doesn’t NE also have the second best O in the league?

      • willbest

        No. The Falcons are averaging 33.8 ppg. The Pats 27.6 ppg, which is good enough for 3rd (Saints have 29.3 ppg at #2).

        The disparity comes from the Pats being #1 on points allowed at 15.6. The Falcons allowed 25.4 ppg.

        The only caveat is I don’t believe the Patriots didn’t play a lot of high flying offenses this year.

        Arizona ranked #6 26.1 ppg. And the Bills/Steelers were tied at 10th at 24.9 ppg

        • BerwynBomber

          Ok, so they’re third.

          Yeah, was well aware about the discrepancy between their respective defenses. Though in semi-fairness, ATL’s D improved as the year went on and their pass rush looked damn stout against the Cheese.

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    http://www.espn.com/chalk/story/_/id/18574219/super-bowl-51-anatomy-why-made-100-1-atlanta-falcons-future-book-bet

    Guy is riding a 100-1 and a 150-1 bet on the Falcons.

    I post because Da Blog loves its gamblin.

    • willbest

      Probably wouldn’t care at $100. If he had bet $10,000 you can bet somebody would have tracked him down with a deal or no deal suitcase full of cash.

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)
    • willbest

      Why would you show us this?

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        To remind you that OJ is still in prison.
        To illustrate the nature of the American tragedy whose documentary just won big at the Golden Globes.
        To clarify that what happened with him has generational effects.
        To see, first hand, that his lovely daughter is a fat slob living in St. Pete’s when she could have grown up Hollywood royalty.
        To make a play on Jeff’s comment that the Super Bowl “lacks juice”

        To remind people that crime doesn’t pay.

        Don’t thank me now Will. Your continued snark and ill-advised sanctimonious rebukes are the only thanks I need.

        • MB30SD

          hahaha

        • Big Mike

          Nice

  • BerwynBomber
    • MB30SD

      Yeesh

    • Johnnywad

      If only there was some way……..just some way he could sort this out without burning a season. Like if he could somehow understand Chuck’s performance prior to his arrival. Alas, that information will remain a mystery.

  • BearDown100393

    Football’s boring – DaBearsBlog

    • MB30SD

      Golf!!!

      It’s allll about the frenetic excitement of the wide world of GAHLF!!

      • Sauron’s right eyeball

        Lol. From reading Jeffs twats, one would almost get the impression his life is weighed down with whorlwind vacations, frequent drunken golf outings and endless nights sitting on a barstool sipping guiness all while lamenting over every sport and columnists tweets under the sun. Hero….

        • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

          Except he’s off the sauce.

          Which may explain the crankiness of late.

          • Huge Bears Penis

            don’t they have a drunk app that prevents your from texting/tweeting if you are too drunk? Can they make the reverse for Jeff?

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            “i’m sorry Jeff, the touch reader has determined you are too sober to twat. Please accept this Groupon for 2-for-1 bourbon shots at this local Irish establishment to fix.” -Siri

          • MB30SD

            fuck siri, dumb cunt

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Ah jess, forgot about that.

  • AlbertInTucson

    “The best storyline is something that might happen after the game is over, with Goodell handing things to the New England hierarchy.’

    No, the best storyline would be the Falcons treating the Patriots just like they treated the Packers.

    • Jerigthorpe

      Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sk187c:
      On tuesday I got a great new Land Rover Range Rover from having earned $8752 this last four weeks.. Its the most-financialy rewarding I’ve had.. It sounds unbelievable but you wont forgive yourself if you don’t check it
      !sk18s7c:
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  • willbest

    There was a baseball scandal to deal with today. The Cardinal’s forfeited their top 2 picks in this years draft and $2 million to the Astro’s whom they were caught hacking.

    • willbest

      Speaking of Hackers

      The rise of ransomware

      “Last year, hospitals in California and Kentucky were targeted in ransomware attacks. In one case, a Los Angeles hospital paid more than $17,000 to hackers to restore its computer network, and all of its digital medical files. Other victims in Europe and the United States have included a municipal utility, companies, schools, law firms and police departments.”

      https://www.nytimes.com/2017/01/30/world/europe/hotel-austria-bitcoin-ransom.html

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    Mb does West Coast tech, he knows. Apartments in San Jose look like the bunks in Das Boot.

    Once Trump comes after the H-1Bs, the Valley will rally.

    https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-01-30/trump-s-next-move-on-immigration-to-hit-closer-to-home-for-tech

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    Will –

    Hold onto your chair. I agree with Trump. Jeff might kick me off the blog for saying that.

    http://thehill.com/blogs/pundits-blog/immigration/316871-trumps-immigration-ban-is-clumsy-but-perfectly-legal

    • Sauron’s right eyeball

      Which part/s GP?

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        The EO also suspends the Refugee Admissions Program for 120 days to permit the secretaries of the State Department and DHS, and the Director of National Intelligence to review the refugee screening process to determine “what additional procedures should be taken to ensure that those approved for refugee admission do not pose a threat to the security and welfare of the United States” and to implement the additional procedures.

        Two weeks after a Tunisian man, Anis Amri, whose German asylum request had been rejected, rammed a truck into a Berlin Christmas market and was later shot dead by Italian police, the German state prosuector’s office said on Monday that a Syrian migrant who arrived in Germany two years ago was arrested on suspicion of seeking money from the Islamic State, to drive truck bombs into crowds.

        Saarbruecken prosecutor Christoph Rebmann said the 38-year-old Syrian was detained on Saturday in his apartment in Germany’s Saarland State, and an arrest warrant was issued on Sunday on suspicion that he was trying to raise 180,000 euros ($189,000) to fund an attack. Rebmann said the man, whom he did not name, was suspected of seeking the money from Islamic State in Syria to buy trucks and load 400-500 kg (880-1,100 pounds) of explosives into each of them. “He is suspected of … requesting 180,000 euros from a contact person in Syria on his cell phone from Saarbruecken in December, 2016 so that he could acquire vehicles to pack with explosives and drive them into a crowd,” Rebmann said. It was not clear if the Islamic State in Syria, which has been facing a severe liquidity shortage since its oil operation was virtually eliminated by Putin, had that kind of spare change.

        Suggesting a shift in Germany’s “Open Door”approach to refugees, Interior Minister Thomas de Maiziere said that failed asylum seekers who are regarded as a danger should be detained until they can be deported. He made the suggestion in a guest column in Tuesday’s edition of the Frankfurter Allgemeine newspaper. – ZH

        I’m not that keen on having my Florida vacation ruined by some Syrian asshole who hijacks a semi and drives it into a crowd. And if you don’t think that shit is coming stateside, you need to wake the fuck up.

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          Let’s play a little word game shall we GP?

          “Anis Amri”. I ram anis?

    • willbest

      You agree that he didn’t engage in executive overreach or that you think a 90 review of current vetting procedures is prudent?

      I believe every president going back to Carter has suspended entry into the US from one country or another for security concerns.

      A lot of people have lost their damn minds over his actions. It plays to his benefit. I hope it doesn’t result in him getting a blank check over it. Because when they finally turn to organized violence he is going to get the license to do whatever he wants, and that isn’t good for anybody.

      • MB30SD

        my ONLY issue with it is that the list didn’t include the UAE, Saudi, and any other country where there’ve been proven terrorist actions (more than just a one-off, but proven and on-going activity).

        Fucking lock that shit down… then start doing an initial review of everyone here from one of those countries since about 5 years before 9-11.

        You want to be the guy who bucked the fucking system, pull that shit off. It would be YUUUUGE!

        • willbest

          I agree. The whole fucking region.

          But the House of Saud is a slick fish. Bribed Trump with the promise to support his Syrian and Yemeni safe zones.

          • MB30SD

            dude, it will NEVER happen. WAAAAYYYY too much money/deals done with those cunts… by erraone in power anywhere.

            Shit, if they were going to pick countries to ban based on volume/history of terrorist activity, those countries NOT listed on the list would be the first fucking ones on it.

            Money hids/gets anything.

          • SC Dave

            Pretty much the story, MB. But maybe people will talk about it now.

          • MB30SD

            meh, won’t change a damn thing.

            Can’t blow something up (figuratively) when you’re just as guilty and your money is mixed up in it all.

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        The 90 day suspension of Section 217 is totally warranted.

        Merkel has Syrian refugees running around in gangs of bandits, raping and shutting down entire barrios. The Syrians are a mess. I agree, keep them out.

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          You think Vlad’s tapped Merkel?

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            I know Snowden did. The woman is a mess.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            I mean proper tapped.

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)
          • willbest

            Putin can get way better tail than that.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            I dunno, he acts like he owns her ass. I think he has.

          • SC Dave

            What would you expect from a Stasi refugee?

        • AlbertInTucson

          Merkel has admitted publicly that she made a mistake regarding refugees.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Jess but I’d like to know what she says privately.

          • willbest

            The prospect of losing ones job will make one do desperate things. If she retains her position, she will reevaluate.

          • AlbertInTucson

            I think she’s toast.

            Fortunate they don’t have a “No confidence” vote in Germany.

          • SC Dave

            You refer to Merkel, of course, and not the German people?

          • AlbertInTucson

            Her.

      • SC Dave

        The hysteria of the losers would be comical, except that they’re violent. Just hope they someday come to the realization of who has the guns in this country, and perhaps thereby, find their senses.

        But I’m not holding my breath, that’s for sure.

  • willbest

    I honestly didn’t expect this. I figured it for some sort of Sunni vs. Shia squabble. It turns out Canadian extremists are less tolerant than American extremist.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4170500/Five-dead-GUNMEN-open-fire-Mosque-Quebec-City.html?ITO=1490

  • MB30SD
    • willbest

      We had a neighbor that liked to leave passive aggressive notes. She put a note on my wife’s windshield telling her she needs to park in the center of our spot. I looked over the balcony thinking what the fuck? grabbed my tape measure and went down to measure it. It turns out my wife left 10″ on the one side but only 8″ on that neighbors side. So I went and knocked on the door, I said I needed to talk to her husband and when he got there I explained to him that it took a special kind of crazy to complain about that sort of thing.

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        I thought you were going to tell the guy, “let me tell you, your wife knows 8 inches when she sees it.”

        • MB30SD

          hahahaha!

        • SC Dave

          Or 10″

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    If I were Lynch, the first thing I would do is ignore the hell out of ANYTHING Matt Millen says. About anything.

    http://www.nfl.com/news/story/0ap3000000780731/article/matt-millen-john-lynch-faces-steep-learning-curve

    Will it be a long learning curve, Matt? How would you know? After all, you never ascended it.

  • AlbertInTucson

    “I have no idea how these sports leagues came up with this stupid terminology.”

    It was the 60s, kid.

    You had to be there.

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    Trump has the FBI in the bag, doesn’t he?

    FBI is starting to leak some intelligence to shore up support for their boy.

    http://abcnews.go.com/Blotter/al-qaeda-kentucky-us-dozens-terrorists-country-refugees/story?id=20931131

    Here, we have the case of the Kentucky IED makers. And we ain’t talkin about moonshine stills.

    • willbest

      That article is from 2013. Jeff Sessions created a list of 40 refugees that have been convicted of terrorist related activities. I presume this is on his list, so I don’t think it has anything to do with the FBI. Though it does make the point just because they haven’t been successful, doesn’t mean they haven’t been trying.

      Though Trump probably has the FBI in his pocket. He kept Comey on. I am kind of surprised there wasn’t leftist outrage over that as some sort of tit for tat.

      • BerwynBomber

        Retaining Comey sure looked like quid pro quo but the left has larger issues, at the moment, when it comes to Trump. And it might go beyond the left to include a good chunk of moderates. Publicly, it’s been a very rough ten days for new administration. And there is no immediate end in sight.

        • willbest

          Somebody had a poll that 75% of Californians wanted to do away with sanctuary cities, and another that said 57% of the country approved of the “Muslim” EO, which is surprisingly because I doubt 1 in 10 know what it says.

          The GOP has historically caved to the vocal minority, but Trump doesn’t. The press is dangerous on this because protests and riots generate clicks. So not only do the reporters have the ideological insensitive to oppose Trump their editors and owners have an economic interest in it as well.

    • MB30SD

      GP, what’s up with super short Russian politicians?!!?

      Vlad is 5’7″
      Medvedev is fucking 5’4″!!!!

      Like really?!? Dude, my graphic designer is 5’6″ and he’s small. I mean I’m only 5’10” in shoes and he’s small to me!

      5’4″ must seem like a midget baby to guys your height.

      • MB30SD

        btw, fucking Lenin was 5’5″!

        • willbest

          Romans were supposed to be tiny fuckers too

          • MB30SD

            hmmmm… My other half is hungarian. I’m sure they’re not usually giants either. Needed some of that scandinavian viking blood. oh well.

          • CanadaBear

            White people back in the old west averaged 5’6″-5’7″ and about 135 lbs. Natives back then averaged 6’0″ and 180 lbs. The white boys weren’t any too keen to get into hand to hand combat.

          • MB30SD

            yeah maings, I’ve seen a couple HUGE native american dudes. Fucking badass.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jez8-ORTFU

          • Sactowns#1

            You know they had to take out special insurance in order to have that guy on the set and hired two minders to ensure he didn’t get too drunk. apparently dude would go psycho when he was on a bender.

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            I saw a picture of MB. He looks like Jason Statham’s more buff brother.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Yeah, Murph said that when he first met him he was gonna give MB shit if he wasn’t as advertised. It was love at first sight. Hi Murph….hee hee

          • MB30SD

            Little… I get Kelly Slater a lot down here

          • MB30SD

            Yikes

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            He looks soft.

          • MB30SD

            Me cack maybe!

          • still aren’t. a gun fight, though…

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          I’m moving to Russia! 5’10 and a giant among the lilipucians, the Romanian hookers will love me.

          • Captain Obvious

            Guy in my unit was 6’5″. After he separated, he traveled the world for a year. He said he lived for free in a lot of places, because he stuck out so much everyone wanted to hang out with the giant American. He said southern India was the best; he was a foot taller than most guys, and the girls who were forward enough to talk to him were (in his words) spinners.

      • willbest

        Fetal alcohol syndrome?

        • MB30SD

          maybe, or just a short peoples.

          I’m half russian, so that’s where I get it from… thanks mom! Wish I was 6’2″ I would have been fucking unstoppable in HS/college.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            When I was in H.S. you could player either soccer or football in the fall. Glad I chose football but I missed playing soccer and was better at it than football even though I was a 4 year starter in H.S. I was a good enough football player to beat out everyone else at my position but I wasn’t ever dominant.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Funny, my Great Great Grandmother was a Russian Jew. Cuz?

          • MB30SD

            you wish!

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Haha. It’s true, my mom still has an old broach of hers that was handed down. Star of David with rubies.

          • MB30SD

            Nice! We know our jewels.

            I was in budapest and went to the holocaust memorial, and through my tears I was shocked to see that pretty much erra one looked like me.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Do you have olive complextion? I’ve got Turkish delight on my father’s side.

      • CanadaBear

        Nobody ever asks how tall someone is with shoes on. That means you’re really 5’8″ or 5’9″ tops. I’m 6’6″ on a ladder.

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          Lol

        • MB30SD

          here’s the way I explain it to the ladies my maings. And I’m smiling because I’m glad you provided me the platform, because it always makes me chuckle even though they’re probably thinking, “creep!” hahahahaha

          I say 5’10” dressed because that’s how most people meet me. Normal people and dates too. Yes, I’m 5’9″ barefoot (here comes the punchline)…

          But if you see me at 5’9″… you’re not going to care where the extra inch comes from.

          hee HEEEEEE!!!!

          Love that one. hahahaha

  • MB30SD

    DaBearsBlog Retweeted Brian Quinn
    What does that mean? Fox has rebuilt two franchises previously. He actually has the resume for exactly what Bears are doing.”

    Jeff, you’re not taking into consideration the heart attack, doctor’s orders, etc…

    a life threatening event like that changes your perspective. He had the attack because of coaching his team. Doctor is like, ‘do that again and you might not live through it a second time’.

    Fox is a changed man. He’s still the same brain, just without all of the heart (no pun) that made him successful.

    He’s now Weekend At Bernie’s.

    I’ll take a flyer on a young super hungry/aggressive guy like Matt Patricia erra day.

    • BuddhaJoe

      Fucking no to Patriots retreads. Once they can’t cheat anymore they all suck donkey balls.

      • MB30SD

        you’re better than this.

        • BuddhaJoe

          No, when it comes to them I’m really not. And probably a whole lot of other shit too, but who’s counting, besides my old lady?

          • MB30SD

            yep.

            I don’t hate any other teams besides the ones in our division. I have a fuckton of respect for what bellicheat and to a lesser degree brady do… cheating or not.

          • BuddhaJoe

            I actually hate the Patriots and the Cowboys more than the Packers. The other teams in our division have been nonentities for so long that it’s hard to drum up emotion either way.

          • MB30SD

            dooooooooooood. stop that shit right now. smh.

          • BuddhaJoe

            They’re number 5 on my all-time hate list of sports franchises. Here it is:
            1: Cowboys
            2: Patriots
            3: The goddamn Yankees
            4: The Lakers
            5: The Packers

            I might have to re-post this up top cuz I think it would be a good point of discussion.

          • MB30SD

            My top five most hated sports teams:

            1. Packers
            2. Erin Rodgers
            3. Packers
            4. Lions
            5. All blacks
            6. – 10. Packers

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            All Blacks? Why I never…..dude they’re so good it’s futIle to hate them. It’s akin to hating the universe.

          • MB30SD

            I know… I was going to write that but got lazy. I don’t actually hate them, I envy them and am in awe of them

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Those New Zealanders are freaks of nature. They’re basically athletic Samoans.

          • MB30SD
          • willbest

            Where do the Washington Generals rank?

          • MB30SD

            who

          • willbest

            Harlem Globetrotters?

          • Huge Bears Penis

            All blacks…. racist.

          • MB30SD

            hahaha…

            ok, ok… the New Zealand All Blacks.

          • Huge Bears Penis

            Just because you limit your hatred of a race to one country does not make it right.

          • MB30SD

            true enough.

          • Huge Bears Penis

            The All Blacks is a soccer, cricket, or rugby team. right?

          • MB30SD

            Jes. New Zealand national teams

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Lol, that’s funny. Better call minority report and turn his ass in, haha.

          • BerwynBomber

            Cubs and Red Sox make my list. And the GS Warriors have ascended rapidly the last two years. In fact, star-by-star they might be my most loathed franchise in sports at the moment. And I generally like Kerr. It’s his four stars I can’t stand.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            My all time hatred of the Packers peaked when Favre was on that team and it really started when he completed a pass he threw after crossing the line of scrimage. They came from behind to win that game which if my memory serves me, robbed the Bears from making the playoffs. From that moment on, I hated Favre more than any human being on the plane.

          • SC Dave

            No. The all-time Packers hate was Charles fucking Martin.

            The. End.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Yes but he got his. I forgave him.

          • BerwynBomber

            I found the Favre-led Cheese more objectionable than the Rodgers-led Cheese.

          • Captain Obvious

            Wasn’t that Majkowski? 1993-ish? Or was Favre the second incarnation of that?

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            You know what, you may be right. I hated farve so much, I had to blame him for that too. Hahaha….gawd I couldn’t stand that prick.

          • MB30SD

            I hate rodgers more than any other player. Maybe even as much as martin.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            You know what, I don’t and here’s my reason. The Bears have sucked balls during most of his tenure so at least I can take solace in the fact that it’s not like it we were always on the losing end of 2 awesome teams fighting to the death. Hell, the Lions seem to beat the bears with regularity and they NEVER used to beat the Bears.

          • MB30SD

            Well, we just suck. Doesn’t say anything about anyone else.

            Sad really. Smh

          • BerwynBomber

            I’m with you on the hillbilly diva Favre hate. Plus, there was Reverend Reggie, vaguely pedophiliac Churmura, Bradshaw sucking Favre’s dick every moment he could on TV, the arrogance of Holmgren … on and on and on.

            That DEN upset of the heavily favored GB still rates way, way high on my list of all-time fave SBs.

          • BerwynBomber

            I do too but I oddly respect the fuck out of Belichick.

          • MB30SD

            How can you not?!?!

          • BerwynBomber

            I kinda view Belichick in the same away I view Rodgers: with a level of awe.

          • Huge Bears Penis

            I understand it. One sentence will explain they must still be cheating. ‘Shea McClellin is in the SB’

  • Malice Halice

    Super Bowl lacking juice because the Patriots r in it. Atlanta vs any of the final 4 of afc would’ve been a “juicy” game

    • willbest

      The Donks seachickens game was supposed to be legendary. It was over in 8 minutes. Maybe this will surprise

  • MB30SD

    http://uncrate.com/article/alfa-romeo-c18-concept/

    looks like it might have a couple little blind spots

    • willbest

      Because it drives itself?

  • Sauron’s right eyeball

    I’ll have to ask Murph if that’s true. Mines gold. ; )

    • MB30SD

      Ask murph for the close up ones.

      • Sauron’s right eyeball

        Haha

  • BuddhaJoe

    Not even close to first to say fuck the Patriots. How about another 30 point beat down, that’d brighten my day.

  • willbest

    Under coaches must know this is Fox’s last year, it seems all of them that can get better jobs are doing so.

    • MB30SD

      Awesome

  • willbest

    The acting AG orders the DoJ to not defend the Trump ban? If that wasn’t at Trump’s request, I can’t see how that should end in anything other than a formal ethics inquiry before the bar, and censure.

    • like when nixon fired the AG/Attorney AG for not following the White House’s order to fire the special prosecutor on the Watergate case?

      and yes, i know he didn’t fire them. he accepted their resignations. that he forced them to hand in for not firing the special prosecutor.

      • MB30SD

        they didn’t leave the company, the company left them?

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        this is not Archibald Cox. Yet.

        • we’ll wait to see what happens if there’s ever a special prosecutor assigned to the dossier.

      • willbest

        Bill Clinton fired all 93 US attorneys in 1993 and nobody cared if I recall.

        • Seems like wholesale replacement was the thing to do, going back to Reagan. Taken from the LA Times:

          “Reagan replaced 89 of the 93 U.S. attorneys in his first two years in office. President Clinton had 89 new U.S. attorneys in his first two years, and President Bush had 88 new U.S. attorneys in his first two years.”

          I’m sure Barry did the same, though I can’t find the numbers.

          For your guy, it’s the “I asked her to stay on until Sessions is confirmed, but since she won’t just do what I tell her to do, regardless of whether she, as a career lawyer, thinks it’s lawful or not, I’ll just fire her” that makes this so special.

          Also, apologies for using a long sentence to make up my fake quote. We know it would be more like, “She’s a crook! Obama plant thinks she can go against the movement! Sad!”

    • SC Dave

      You’re FIRED!

      • Captain Obvious

        Trump fires her, he has no one to file FISA requests. Meaning literally no one can get warrants to surveil terrorists until/unless his AG is confirmed, and Sessions’ stuff keeps getting pushed back.

        Now that it’s coming out that he was a force behind the ban, his confirmation is even more murky.

        So, for the time being, the acting AG is bulletproof.

        • willbest

          Nonsense. If you fire the current acting AG, there will be one to take her place. And if you think Sessions isn’t going to get through you are mistaken.

          • Captain Obvious

            Actually, she’s not bulletproof. He just fired her.

            But to submit FISA requests it isn’t just whoever’s in charge. You have to have a security clearance. There’s no one left at the DoJ who has the authority and the clearance to submit the requests.

          • willbest

            This is unlikely to be true just from a practical standpoint. What if she were sick for example? Or died unexpectedly. There should at least be 1 more.

          • That Guy

            I imagine that her immediate subordinate becomes the new acting AG. But that person too will be an Obama appointee.

            If Congress was really concerned, they could call an emergency session tonight and have someone confirmed by the morning.

          • willbest

            Finding a replacement is easy. Trump got Dana Boente East. District of VA, to do it. I am sure he has hate coming through all his contact numbers right now.

            But Captain Obvious was absolutely right about security clearance. Even if all they are doing is adjusting clearance he already had you are talking about a day rather than hours. And if he needs to go through the whole shebang, it could be 3 days. If the FBI/NSA whoever forwards critical intel about a new suspected terrorist. You don’t want the reason you don’t have a wire on his phone to be because nobody could fill out the subpoena request.

          • Captain Obvious

            “As the top Senate-confirmed official at the Justice Department, she is the only one authorized to sign foreign surveillance warrants, an essential function at the department.

            ‘For as long as I am the acting attorney general, the Department of Justice will not present arguments in defense of the executive order, unless and until I become convinced that it is appropriate to do so,’ Yates wrote.”

            I’m not saying Sessions ISN’T going to get through. I’m saying his committee vote (and thus his vote on the floor) has been delayed, and there have been numerous rumblings that he’s conflicted, that his past racist statements, etc., will cause him trouble. Trouble enough to lose 4 GOP votes for confirmation? Probably not. But it’s possible.

            And until he is confirmed, no one is signing FISA warrants, meaning we cannot legally monitor suspected terrorists. That’ll make it harder for the administration to find all those “bad dudes.”

    • Captain Obvious

      Don’t your ethics guidelines tell you that if a law is unethical, you are not obliged to defend it? Sounds like that’s her argument. And it’s not even a law she’d be defending.

      • willbest

        Sounds great. Of course, by your logic no lawyer could ever represent a person that they know to be guilty of anything or really anything bad.

        The lawyer’s job is to press their clients case to the best of their abilities within the confines of the law. Its the judge’s job to determine whether the EO adheres to existing statutory language and/or the Constitution.

        • Captain Obvious

          I’m ASKING you, Mr. Attorney, Esq. Don’t your ethical guidelines tell you if a law is unethical, you’re not obliged to defend it? I’m not talking about a client. I’m talking about a law. I get that, once you enter into whatever you call your agreement to be a defense attorney, you don’t get to pick and choose your clients. But this isn’t refusing to defend a client you’re ethically-bound to defend. This is refusing to defend a presidential action you feel is on its face unconstitutional.

          If the AG says, “This EO is patently wrong and unconstitutional and a flagrant overreach,” is THAT grounds for an ethics inquiry?

          If so, sounds like she’s prepared for the fallout. I doubt she got to be assistant AG without understanding the consequences of insubordination.

          I totally see it as insubordination, btw. I’m not defending her from the consequences. Sometimes, when you take a moral stand, you reap what you sow.

          • willbest

            The EO isn’t a law. The EO is the President telling the DHS to do
            something. The AG’s job to be the lawyer for the executive branch. Which means its the AG’s job to argue before the court that the thing the DHS has been ordered to do is within the power of the presidency under existing congressional statute or his powers under Article II.

            Lawyers, even defense attorneys, absolutely have a right to fire their clients (so long as the court doesn’t determine it would be prejudicial). But in this case she is employed by her client. So she would need to quit. She didn’t quit. She publicly declared that she would not represent her client to the best of her abilities.

            Now the President could be wrong on this (I doubt he is), but that isn’t for her to decide. This also isn’t a particularly unique situation. The DoJ often finds itself having to defend the executive branch when its been naughty. This is true for all presidents.

            I don’t know which jurisdiction she has been admitted to the bar but the model rules are pretty uniform.

            Specifically she is in violation of 1.2(a)

            http://www.americanbar.org/groups/professional_responsibility/publications/model_rules_of_professional_conduct/rule_1_2_scope_of_representation_allocation_of_authority_between_client_lawyer.html

          • That Guy

            So a few things on this. And I believe you’re an attorney as well Will, so I invite you to tell me I’m wrong if you know better.

            1. The AG does not have the same relationship to the government that a lawyer has to their client. In particular, a criminal prosecutor’s loyalty is not to gaining a conviction – its to doing justice. That means if the prosecutor knows they’ve got the wrong guy, even if the defense is inept and can’t properly defend the case, the prosecutor has an ethical obligation to dismiss the case. See Section 3-1.2 here: http://www.americanbar.org/publications/criminal_justice_section_archive/crimjust_standards_pfunc_blkold.html
            See also Rule 3.8 of the ABA Model Rules.

            2. A defense attorney is, in fact, obligated to withdraw if they know their client to be guilty and the client intends to pursue a defense of actual innocence. That is why: (a) the please is “not guilty” rather than “innocent.” That is why some defendants cannot take the stand if they want to keep their attorney. And that is why the vast majority of criminal law is about finding issues with the prosecutor’s not meeting their burden, rather than affirmatively proving the defendant’s innocence.
            See ABA Rule 3.1 and 3.3

            3. Keep in mind that the AG is not, strictly speaking, an employee of the president. The AG is appointed by the president (this one was appointed by Obama and remains in office till likely next week when Jeff Sessions gets confirmed), but the AG is an independent office. If Donald Trump is the subject of a criminal investigation, the AG is sometimes the one responsible for prosecuting that offense.

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            Indeed Cox was investigating Nixon for wrongdoing and his role in Watergate, and thus the act of firing him was a constitutional crisis. Nixon fired the guy investigating him.

            Here Trump fires this Sally woman because she publicly declares that she refuses to enforce an executive order. So the rule becomes one of… obligation? I don’t know I am in finance, not a lawyer.

          • That Guy

            Truth is, this happens all the time. Guy comes to court and tells his lawyer “I have an alibi, I was abducted by aliens at the time of the crime.” Lawyer refuses to bring that defense, so the client fires him.

            Basically the lawyer has ethical obligations that he/she must uphold even if it means being fired.

          • Irish Sweetness

            I guess bringing a case of kidnapping against the aliens brings in jurisdiction issues. They’re still subject to the laws of the land, right?

          • willbest

            The AG is the US government’s attorney. Not that of any of its agents, which includes the President. Its similar to representing Coca-Cola. The CEO is going to provide you with a lot of direction as will many of its employees but ultimately you answer to the shareholders. If an employee sticks a syringe in a can of coke, and somebody somebody sues coca-cola you fight it to the best of your ability. You don’t say “whelp we aren’t going to defend that one”

            You are absolutely correct that you are not allowed to mislead the court, nor are you allowed to put anybody in a position to do so if you have reason to believe they will. So if the AG genuinely finds his or herself in a situation where after good faith research they cannot find any precedent supporting the actions then yes they could absolve themselves of their responsibility. But considering every president in my life time has done similar orders, we know thats bullshit. And as a lawyer I know that somewhere in the DoJ archives there would be no fewer than two dozen memorandum in support of this sort of action.

          • That Guy

            Actually don’t agree on this one. There is an executive order that could have been issued that would have accomplished the same thing, but been much more defensible. But Trump’s crew didn’t ask for any advice from pretty much any department before issuing this thing and it shows.

            Coke’s attorney has a different responsibility. Again, the AG has a duty to do justice, not to win every case. If a case is a loser because the government acted unjustly, then the AG is not required to resign rather than defending. If police officer beats a confession out of a suspect, the AG doesn’t have to resign in protest before issuing an indictment, they can say “this is a loser, we’re not touching it” and move on.

            This is a circumstance where the government’s attorney basically said “we won’t try that case.”

          • willbest

            The only case to try is the one where the US is being sued. The US is the defendant/respondent. She has no choice but to defend it to the best of her ability. Which certainly does not involve ordering ALL the attorneys to disarm.

            But lets talk about justice. The order directed DHS to deny entry to people that don’t have that right. So there is no injustice being done. The Green Card part was already cleaned up before she issued her order. At which point you can say she should have been fired for incompetence

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    Al (or anybody)

    First coach to win a NFL championship in both the AFL and the NFL? First class ever in Canton.

    • Sauron’s right eyeball

      Hank Stram.

      • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

        Nope.

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          Was I close? Lol

        • Sauron’s right eyeball

          It had to be Landry.

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            It was not.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Shula? Lol

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            Sorry, class of 1978.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball
          • SC Dave

            Weeb?

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            you win!

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Who the hell was Weeb? Never heard of him.

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            Weeb Ewbanks.

            Coached the New York Jets and Namath over the Colts. Coached the Giants over the Colts in 58.

            His coaching notes and playbooks are in the Library of Congress. Not Canton. The LOC. Actually Miami of Ohio built a sports library in his name.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            Yeah, ok, I have heard of him.

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            Invented the double pulling guards.

            Lombardi, Shula, Landry, Schembeckler, many considered him to be the greatest football coach of all time. Insanely inventive and one of the best, if not the best, game day coach in terms of adapting the attack and calling plays.

          • Sauron’s right eyeball

            So I was close wit Shula and Landry.

          • Huge Bears Penis

            wasn’t he a game show host?

          • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

            Bob Eubanks. Newlywed show.

          • AlbertInTucson

            It’s just Ewbank.

            Eubanks is the game show host.

          • Huge Bears Penis

            fun fact even though their names were spelled differently Bob and Weeb were not actually related.

    • Sauron’s right eyeball

      Chuck Knoll?

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)
    • Sauron’s right eyeball

      He must be sweaty teddy and his nanny’s love child. There can be no other explanation.

  • One Dump from Retirement (GP)

    I take back the not-as-bad as Archibald Cox thing. He fired her 30 minutes ago.

  • BearDown100393

    Sheldon Adelson just pulled the rug out from the Raiders.

    • willbest

      Here I thought that Adelson was rolling Davis in some sort of deal to steal his team. If Davis finds Adelson’s $650 million contribution under a pillow next week it would suggest that he played Adelson. Major brass balls on that one. Use Adelson’s muscle to get the city to pony up $750 million and kick him out? Davis going to find out Vegas is a small town and Adelson has a long memory.

      • MB30SD

        Oceans 14?

      • Huge Bears Penis

        it really appeared Adelson was angling for at least a part ownership of Raiders. Davis said earlier that they could get funding even without Adelson, so I am pretty sure Davis was wary of Adelson from the get go.

  • BerwynBomber
    • That Guy

      Not a particularly great list and not a particularly well reasoned one either, but it parrots what most fans would say, so whatever.

      • BerwynBomber

        What were your specific objections? I find such lists a little silly but WTH it is silly season.

    • Irish Sweetness

      Did anyone answer this last time?

      Does any other QB have Jim McMahon’s 25 game winning streak beat?

      Nice to see Otto in the top 5 for a change. In the biggest game every year of his 10 year career, won 7. Beat that Brady.

    • Sactowns#1

      Sid Luckman #1

  • Huge Bears Penis

    Sure Kyle Shanahan backpack gets taken before a game against the Pats. Coincidence? IMO, this is definitely a Belichick caper. 1. steal bag. 2. copy all contents of bag. 3. give bag to senile old report to take the blame.

    http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2017/01/31/kyle-shanahans-backpack-and-game-plan-accidentally-taken-by-reporter-at-media-night/

    • Irish Sweetness

      That’s why Don Shula will always be the greatest for me. Handed back the Raider’s playbook without reading it.

  • Huge Bears Penis

    DaBearsBlog @dabearsblog : You can’t just play guys in games to see what you have. They have to show general competence first. Braverman can’t play.

    BLASPHEMY!!!!! Greatest of all time! FUTURE HOFer!!!

    • Big Mike

      Every small, slow white guy who can catch isn’t the next Wes Welker 🙂 I know the whole Braverman thing is a running gag on Da Blog. But the kids not that good.

      • Huge Bears Penis

        gag! not that good! May the football gods smite you for such criticism

        • Big Mike

          🙂 That made me laugh. Love it.

  • Jerigthorpe

    Google is paying 97$ per hour! Work for few hours and have longer with friends & family! !sk187c:
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