197 Comments

Austen Lane, Newly-Signed Chicago Bear [VIDEOS]

| February 18th, 2014

lane

I decided to find out what I could about Austen Lane and ended up down a YouTube rabbit hole. He’s a fun guy with a fun story and he’s very, very easy to root for.

He wrote an exquisite column for Peter King at MMQB, detailing what it’s like to be cut by an NFL team. (You can read the entire piece by CLICKING HERE.) Here is a snippet of that column:

“Hey, Austen,’’ I hear.

It’s an unrecognizable voice. I can’t explain exactly why, but I feel a moment of panic rush over me. I turn around to see one of our scouts. I start to slowly walk as he waves me over. Before I get the chance to say hi, the scout quietly says, “Dave needs to see you.”

Dave. David Caldwell, the general manager. Oh my God.

Suddenly, a cocoon of panic and fear surrounds me. You think that’s a little dramatic? To you, maybe. But you have no idea how a football player feels when, out of the blue, a stranger who works for the team says the general manager wants to see you. It just isn’t good. In fact, it’s usually life-changing.

I turn back around to see two of my teammates, who have stopped in the doorway to stare at me. They stare as though I’m a ghost. “What the hell is happening?” one says.

You tell me.

I turn to the scout and reluctantly start following him. My breath starts to shorten and my chest feels like a microwave in a washing machine, the only relief being if my heart tears out of my chest and spills on to the floor. I mean, it’s hard to control my emotions. Very hard. I notice another player in the same predicament I’m in. That player became my shield to block out everything in my mind, because in that instance my focus shifted directly towards him. He was a rookie who I had a few conversations with. We crossed paths often. I tap him on the shoulder.

“Keep your head up,’’ I said. “You will be okay.”

He gives me a nod but doesn’t look me in the face. I don’t blame him. As football players we are taught at a very young age not to show pain or emotion.

And here are some videos to wet your Austen Lane whistle.

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  • Still a Doug Plank Fan

    Wheeeeeeeeeeeeew…………another thread! Let’s be picky about comments so we can keep it shorter between now and July when Jeff posts his next one. We shouldn’t ramble on and on about just anything, like you know, being first, that kind of thing.

    • johnnywad

      You ever run down that concussion stuff? I’d love to get your perspective.

      • Still a Doug Plank Fan

        I’m working on the team chemistry stuff actually. Inspired by Marshall’s camp. The concussion issue ran into awall and collapsed.

        • burntorangenavyblue

          Don’t give up, it still sounds promising if you complete it. I’m curious to read into both the team chemistry and concussion stuff.

          • Still a Doug Plank Fan

            Not giving up. Just got through the Mental Performance Index yesterday. I’ll put my crash dummy helmet back on for the concussion study.

          • burntorangenavyblue

            Haha, love the angle of your puns relating to your concussion study

          • Still a Doug Plank Fan

            I’ll start tossing those posts up over the next few days. I’m guessing you want them to be semi-coherent, and for that I have to point my tinfoil hat towards a clear western sky. Or something.

            I did find some interesting stuff from – believe it or not – the Bureau of Labor and Statistics. I promise not to post charts. I swear, I won’t.

      • Still a Doug Plank Fan

        See below. Coming soon to a blog near you.

  • Trac

    This story kinda reminds me of my first love in high school when I showed up at her house only to find out she had gone to the movies with another guy.

    • MB30SD

      Did she look anything like this fat cow trac?

      http://swimsuit.si.com/swimsuit/models/kate-upton/photos/1

      Yonny?

      • MB30SD

        Or this for that matter: http://swimsuit.si.com/swimsuit/models/hannah-ferguson/body-paint-photos/1

        YOW! not sure how this makes it into SI, but thank you SI. My goodness gracious. All god’s creatures right trac… but honestly, some more than others!

      • Trac

        Ha! She was a good Jewish girl MB. Her parents didn’t want her dating a heathen.

        • MB30SD

          Ha! The irony!

          Want to know a dirty little secret trac? I’ve never even dated a jewish girl. Not one in all of my now 41 years.

          I tend to love the blond WASP shiksas with big boobs and little butts (how’d that work out for me, huh?)… very much to my poor mother’s chagrin.

          • burntorangenavyblue

            *Cue the Old Spice mothers commercial playing in the background

          • Trac

            Shoulda gotten circumcised pal. He he.

          • MB30SD

            ewwwwww… TMI.

          • Irish Sweetness

            Old Slice.

            The kosher fragrance for men.

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            tsk, tsk.

            I dated one hard-core Jew. Her dad was some swooning jewish crooner always touring. Never heard of him, and I forgot his name now.

            She lived in the Valley, naturally.

            She was pretty hot. BUT. Neurotic. She began talking about marriage on the 2nd DATE! I was like, “Uh, OK. you want popcorn, or candy?”

            I’m sure it would have turned out something like this.

            http://youtu.be/n16uBK71miQ

          • Irish Sweetness

            Second date?

            (talks into handcuff)
            We have a stage five clinger …

          • Irish Sweetness

            That implies there are women who are not neurotic …. which I think we can all agree …. is not good science.

          • MB30SD

            yep. pretty much.

            That’s how most jewish mothers feel about sig others who aren’t also jewish. Savages all of you!

          • Irish Sweetness

            Never dated a Jewish girl ! MB ….. and you’re such a lovely boy … what would your mother say? I’m a little verklempt …

          • MB30SD

            trust me, she was not happy.

  • burntorangenavyblue

    Does fun story and easy to root for translate for what the Bears need to help the ‘D’? SMH

    • MB30SD

      this.

      We’re not the fucking make a wish foundation

      (which is a spectacularly amazing org btw)

      • burntorangenavyblue

        I’m just gonna go with that this is a possible practice squad/roster depth signing anyways.

        • burntorangenavyblue

          Oh, I guess since he was active last year, he is not allowed to be relegated to be on practice squad. So either he’s competing for a spot or gets cut? I dunno

      • Trac

        Hahaha! Its’s still better than trying out Jamarcus Russell. Now that was a joke.

  • MB30SD

    sheeesh… not much going on huh?

    NB, $, Jon… why don’t you three team up to do a pre-draft piece and just post it here? We all come here more to read each other anyway.

    Oh, while I’m at it… you’re welcome: http://www.mandatory.com/2013/08/26/why-predator-is-the-greatest-movie-ever-made/

    • Johnathan Wood

      I write for another site. Actually just put out a piece about why the Bears should not ignore offense this offseason.

      http://watercoolersportsnetwork.com/2014/02/18/offensive-depth-concern-chicago-bears/

      • MB30SD

        good piece jon. Yeah, injuries like the d had will derail any unit no matter what.

        As for our reliance on our top 4, cutty notwithstanding, losing BM and/or MF would be a huge blow… but, cutty’s proven that he can spread the ball around when he doesn’t have a signature WR… or any WRs for that matter. That said, if you had a BM you’d throw to his ass on every play possible too (I know I would… with planned breaks to AJ of course).

        As for forte and his sneaky, invisible on game tape but very apparent on the statsheet greatness… we def need to figure out a back up there. And a viable option for the black uni that’s not just an extra olinemen-lite.

        So, what’s the net net here… we need one of our young up coming WRs to step up bigtime again, we need to find a solid solution at back up RB, a viable back up TE option would be nice, and that we have to pray that one of our key olinemen doesn’t go down for a long stretch? Based on the luck we had last year, one or more of those things is just bound to happen this year… but in my estimation we HAVE to completely rebuild the D so that it’s at the very least a middlin’ unit, otherwise it doesn’t matter how good or healthy the O is, we still won’t be a SB contender. FIx the D this year wholesale and hope we can roll and get better with what we have on o already would be my gamble. (we can always patch emergency holes with available bodies in-season)

        • Johnathan Wood

          I actually think their WR depth is fine right now if they keep Earl around. Have 3 proven guys plus a youngster you like and the little speedster from the CFL who may or may not develop into anything as an intriguing 5th guy.

          TE depth is frightening, and RB I don’t like. I really really REALLY want them to dump Bush and draft a RB in round 5 or 6. RB is a position where you can find decent quality for cheap later in the draft. Why pay big $$ to a backup RB?

          • Johnathan Wood

            but mainly I’d just like to see them rest those guys more, especially Forte and Bennett. Forte played about 60 snaps more than any other RB last year in the entire NFL.

            I would like to see them cut the snaps for those 4 by about 10% each next year. Double win: 1) keeps them fresher and 2) lets your depth prove itself a little bit.
            Of course, it also takes some ridiculously talented players off the field.

          • MB30SD

            I’d really like to see what ford has. I liked what little I saw

          • Johnathan Wood

            my ideal would be to dump Bush, draft a young guy in the late rounds, and let Ford and the pick duke it out for backup RB duties.

            From what I’ve seen/heard, the issue with Ford was that his pass blocking was not nearly good enough to trust him in a game.

          • MB30SD

            interesting.

            I’m down with that plan… if we’ve blown out the first 4-5 picks on D

          • Johnathan Wood

            let’s not forget Forte’s contract is up in 2 years, at which point his career workload suggests historically he’s done as a feature back. So having a few young guys still on cheap rookie deals but with experience would be a boon.

          • Irish Sweetness

            And that’s the issue with Forte too – but at least Ford can do the business between the tackles …

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            Give Bush Das Boot (that’s a German Porn somewhere, I’m sure).

            Give Ford some reps.

            Sign a hungry angry UDFA HB who remembers every RB drafted ahead of him by name, team, and draft position.

            See what happens.

            There’s always tons of discarded HBs out there in case the gambit doesn’t work and Forte goes down.

        • Irish Sweetness

          We can’t afford to lose Brandon, we can def afford to lose Forte. Ford may be a better runner – there’s a possibility our run game would improve if we lsot MAtt … but lose Brandon and the game’s up. They scheme AJ out of it as best they can and what have we got left?

    • Irish Sweetness

      Oh yes. What a piece. A movie made by men for men …. yet still inexplicably has a woman in it. Must be some contractual hollywood thing where every movie has to have at least one woman in it.

      Some references I didn’t get : Jabroni ? Nah. Ulysses S. Grant not above bleeding? Nah (unless his soldiering death involved a nick to the old carotid artery?). I think I might hit a prospective three-pointer on Hitler – was he a famous hemopheliac/mass-murderer?

      Definitely a classic man’s movie – and not at all surprising it spawned two Governors of American states. Wait ….

  • MB30SD
  • gpldan

    CBS fired Dan Marino and Shannon Sharpe and hired Tony Gonzalez to replace Shannon at the desk.

    Marino was probably dumped for being such a prick IRL.

    • MB30SD

      At least tony’s tongue isn’t at LEAST 4 sq inches bigger than the total volume allowed by the interior circumference of his mouth.

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      I’m a little uncertain about Marino. He wasn’t exactly a Rhodes Scholar, but he did provide some insight without the buffoonery.

  • gpldan

    Oh and the Falcons put some paper out for Gabe Carimi. To shit on.

  • gpldan

    I have two football posts, so I earn one “ramble On” post

    I rented the Ridley Scott film “The Counselor” to take a work break yesterday since I always enjoy Scott’s stuff even Prometheus which was insane claptrap, but still well done claptrap.

    A screenplay written by Cormac McCarthy and directed by Ridley Scott. Think about that. We’re probably not looking at a fun filled romcom here. But still… wow.

    Nevertheless – for those DBB’s who think I am unrelentingly cynical and dark – this film manages to exceed my threshold for darkness. That’s right – I forced myself to get to the end but this film is an experiment in anti-social behavior as film-making. It’s so relentlessly cynical, so oppressively dark and at times, this is somewhat hard to describe – it’s boring AND dark, it makes Netflix House of Cards look like it was directed by Mel Brooks.

    This film makes No Country for Old Men look like the Muppet Movie. Holy fuck is it bleak.

    Is it just me, but as Emperor, is Cormac McCarthy wearing no clothes? This guy is supposed to be brilliant and sparse, but he lacks ANY of the fun of guys like Elmore Leonard and his stuff is just… ugly. Ugly and bitterly cynical and really really stupid.

    So I’m gonna issue this one a pass. If you wanted a small town in America to commit mass suicide, maybe you go with Lynch’s Eraserhead and The Counselor as a double feature at the drive-in. Jesus.

    • Doooonnnn’t Caaaaare!

      The Road made me miss 2 days of work. I laid in my bed and contemplated the end of the world and if i’d just walk outside into the darkness and let myself be fucking killed and eaten like the mom or wander the wasteland scrounging to survive.

      • MB30SD

        the road was just rough man.

        I’d be fine going it alone, but if I had either or both of my babies in tow. Fuck. I don’t know. I know I’d be killing people left and right to make sure they were ok until I got taken out.

        • Sactowns#1

          Children of Men is by far my favorite dystopic tale.

        • NewBearInTown

          And this is why I just don’t watch that stuff. The real world is scary enough.

          • MB30SD

            very true NB, very very true… and really scary.

        • Irish Sweetness

          What irked me about The Road was :

          1. the way he almost couldn’t wait to off his own kid. Vig slams his kid up against a wall and stuffs his son’s mouth full of metal ready to blow his brains out whenever a twig snaps somewhere.

          2. The score of the century in Apocalypse World – they come across an unlocked, underground container full of food and safety. I know, “let’s leave and go out into the unknown where we’ll fend for ourselves again and look for another place like this …”

          3. They let the thief go scot free at the end. Why? Is it against he law to kill him? He just robbed you and you expect him to change his ways?

    • Sactowns#1

      http://www.salon.com/2013/10/26/meet_the_worst_movie_ever_made/
      Best review of the worst movie… well second best now GP

      • gpldan

        That review is awesome.

        • Irish Sweetness

          I haven’t seen it – but I will. Seems to suggest what I’ve always suspected, Scott makes films that are generally good to look at, but lack emotional depth because I suspect he lacks it himself.

          (Editor of Amateur Psychology Monthly says to his secretary :”Get Irish on the phone!”

    • AlbertInTucson

      Ridley Scott. Some good, great and not-so-great work.

      Liked ALIEN, evn if it IS basically high tech remake of a Marshall Thompson 50’s B Sci-Fi .But Cameron’s ALIENS, IMO, is one of those rare sequels that surpasses the original.

      Really enjoyed THE DUELLISTS with a young Harvey Keitel honing his WACK-JOB CHARACTER skills while making Keith Carradin’es character’s life miserable.

      On the other hand,

      I just don’t feel the love for BLADE RUNNER.

      GLADIATOR has some terrific moments including the opening “Unleash hell” and his first appearance in the Coliseum. It’s a great a great cast (not THRILLED with J.Phoenix ) but it needs a better pace. It does NOT rate with THE best “Sword & Sandal epic”, the 1960 SPARTACUS, in my book.

      • Sactowns#1

        As a kid Legend was on UHF all the time. I watched it and kinda liked it, mostly for the totally cool looking devil dude. I tried watching it again a couple of years ago and I guiess it’s one of those movies Ive grown out of. There was just something obnoxious about the little tinkerbell character.
        I feel similar about Gladiator. I liked it when it came out but trying to watch it now is just painful. Perhaps because of all the other great “sword and sandal” tales that it spawned, or perhaps due to the ham fisted acting of the two leads. Idk It just seems those two have not survived the test of time.

      • gpldan

        Blade Runner is single handedly carried by Rutger Hauer. I find it extremely poignant, his soliloquy at the end, which he ad-libbed.

        The nature of a life lived. All the things each of see and recall, all these moments we have each had in our lives that are not reproducible, lost like tears in rain.

        Of course, kids nowadays, they can all wear Google Glass and record every instant of their lives. There are companies already created that are giving out terabytes of space so you can literally record your entire life and store it.

        Speaking of that, if Roy Batty was a replicant, wouldn’t his brain have had a DVR?

        • MB30SD

          Fuck, this stuff is all starting to come true: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EM5MzCAZ3OY

          The Terminator is next. (I’ll be baack)

          • Irish Sweetness

            Google glass is the beginning of the end for polite society. The iPhone was probably the first real blow – if you teach kids, or are around a lot of kids, you really see its effect. It’s like an appendage. I just bought a phone that goes back about 6 years in technology. We spend enough time on the web – being on the web constantly while you’re awake is ridiculous. But that’s what kids are doing. Sad.

            Worse still. I’m talking to my grade 10s this morning and they have to do an oral presentation in English before their peers next month. What will you talk about? No idea. What are you interested in? No idea. Huh? WTF? What do you guys like? They all look back at me like I’m speaking Tall White. Stop fucking fucking with me! What are you into? Nada. I walk over to probably the smartest girl. Do you watch movies? Nope. Do you listen to music? Shakes head. Do you read books? Nope. What the fuck do you like? Zip. The only actual responses to anything I got was from the boys at the back. Barely looking up, they gave one word answers. Cannabis – 3 boys. Masturbation – 1 boy.

            I don’t know about America, but this country is an intellectual black hole, and it’s engineered that way.

          • MB30SD

            yep… weed and whacking. That’s about it. The chinese are going to rule the earth soon.

          • Irish Sweetness

            Am I the only Bicentennial Man fan on here? Beats the crap out of Spielberg’s AI, which caused me to laugh out loud at the ending it was so bad. I was in a cinema.

        • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

          Blade Runner is the ONLY movie which I deem superior to the book (Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep).

          I was once at a bar, and this up and coming actor starting reciting all his favorite monologues (we were both hammered).

          Very last one? That one from Blade Runner, accent and all. AWESOME.

          • Irish Sweetness

            There’s a cool doc on YT about PKD. Weird dude. Not a great writer, but prolific, thanks to lots of drugs, and lots of great ideas in his head. Lots of ideas, lots of drugs. Go figure.

        • Irish Sweetness

          “Tears in the rain…” He wrote in his trailer before he went on. Brilliant. Beautiful poetry. I only really associated him with The Hitcher, but he’s a deeper man based on that. Never liked Harrison as an actor.

          Worth a look in HD that scene …where he saves Deckard of course … because Deckard is ….ahhhh …SHUSH!

          Brilliant soundtrack BTW. Great tracks on there.

      • Irish Sweetness

        Director’s cut of Blade Runner is a classic IMHO. Gladiator also was a complete package but I did feel Joaquin’s Commodus lacked something. I don’t like Richard Harris, but I thought he was great in it, as was Olly. Funnily enough though, in The Master, it’s PSH who’s playing second fiddle to Phoenix, for me anyway. He grew up.

        I always mix up the Duellists with Barry Lyndon. Have Spartacus on the laptop but still haven’t watched it. Kubrick is my favorite director. Scorsese two. Cimino three. Coppola four. Lynch gets in there just for the Elephant Man alone. “This movie needs to be in black and white”. Genius.

        • AlbertInTucson

          Executive producer, Kirk Douglas, replaced Director, Anthony Mann, on SPARTACUS with Stanley Kubrick who had directed Kirk Douglas in the anti-war classic, PATHS OF GLORY. Kubrick later complained he did not had script control and made sure that he always did thereafter. When all is said & done, Peter Ustinov STEALS the picture as Batiatus, the owner of the gladiator school.

          Bears Connection: Former USC, Rams, Redskins, Steelers and BEARS QB, Rudy Bukich is a gladiator extra in SPARTACUS!
          Bukich was the Bill Wade’s backup on the ’63 Championship team and NFL #2 rated passer as a Bear in 1965.

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      Maybe you can watch this to cheer you up.
      http://youtu.be/9JkJ2HCgiOg

  • Doooonnnn’t Caaaaare!

    Haha! your boys Brandon ,Alshon and Marquis down in Florida making it happen. Wilson will be sick at 195lbs.

    http://www.chicagobears.com/multimedia/photo-gallery/Marshalls-Offseason-WR-Training-Program/3054f4f4-9f18-47bb-ae1e-995fa911770f#start

    Your starting TE is 6’6

    Your starting WR’s will be 6’5, 6’4, 6’3

    Your RB is a WR at 6’2

    Speed and size. Super Bowl with even a top 20 defense.

    • Trac

      Sounds very intriguing. You forgot to touch on the QB, I hope we resign him. Hee hee. Sorry waffle, had to do it.

    • Johnathan Wood

      it takes defense too. SEA and SF aren’t going away; SEA especially has one more year before salary shit hits the fan (it’s starting in SF this offseason). And GB is still good too, as is CAR.
      The NFC is loaded right now.

      • NewBearInTown

        Our offense was already good and its going to get better. The good news is, we don’t need to invest much in the way of cash or draft picks for that to happen this year.

        But yeah, we’ll need to be better than a top 20 defense to win the dance. You just described 2013 Denver right there.

        • Johnathan Wood

          GB has a good offense too, as do SEA and SF. And we assume the offense will only get better. What if they suffer injuries? Stayed REMARKABLY healthy last year (only Cutler missed any time).
          Not trying to be a naysayer, I agree the offense has an incredibly bright future. Just pointing out the Bears are not likely to be the best team in the NFC next year.

          • NewBearInTown

            You’re not wrong, but those are depth concerns. If Q turns out to be a solid WR, we’re fine with 2/3 healthy. As for running back, Forte going down would really sting, but there are backup RBs to be had, including guys to be signed mid-season. We don’t need to spend high draft picks on the skill positions.

            The biggest real depth concern on offense is the line. If Bushrod goes down, we don’t have a solid backup who can play LT. We have two strong guards to cover for Garza, but he’ll start looking really bad if one goes down. We do need to keep building the depth on the line, but again, that’s a depth issue. The starters (except maybe center) are there.

            The big money, the high draft picks, barring an absolute steal those can go on defense.

          • Johnathan Wood

            I’m not saying spend high draft picks/big $$ on more offense. I’m saying they need to be aware of the fact that depth is a concern on offense in order to be better prepared for injuries than the defense was this year.

          • Irish Sweetness

            Yup, we were REALLY lucky on the OL this year injury-wise. And I need to have sex.

          • Doooonnnn’t Caaaaare!

            Seattle’s offense is brutal.

          • MB30SD

            Brutally suuuuppppeeeeer (said in a… flamboyant upturning yell)

          • Irish Sweetness

            The Cutty Badger’s back!!!!

    • Irish Sweetness

      They didn’t bring down our PS boy Mr. “I’m 6’5” Tolliver?

  • MB30SD
  • MB30SD
    • Doooonnnn’t Caaaaare!

      not a huge fan of putting Rivers and Wilson before Aaron Rodgers but not a bad list overall.

      • Irish Sweetness

        Weren’t they all blowing Rodgers as the GOAT last season? They ALL had his balls dangling on their chins last year.

    • Trac

      Was this analysis based on next years projection or overall ranking based on thier talent? Rivers did have a heck of a year in 2013, he surprised the crap out me. I guess Waffle had a strong argument for Cuttys woes due to a poor o-line. In very ready to see Cutty shut my mouth. I need to see him have a banner year.

      • Johnathan Wood

        Health is the biggest thing for Cutler, IMO. Based on how he played early in the year, he seemed poised to have that banner year in 2013.

        People always talk about the importance of continuity. And indeed, his best season as a Bear was the one time he got to spend 2 years in one system. So hopefully that helps him going forward and he can stay healthy.

        Cutler will always turn it over more than you would like, but he also can make a lot of plays.

        • Irish Sweetness

          I’ll tout you McCown, who won’t turn it over often and still make you plays because the underneath guy is open and he’s not showing the girls how hard he can throw it.

          Eh? Hmm? Yes. I fear he is goneth like a fart in the wind.

          • Johnathan Wood

            I actually thought Cutler’s decision making was notably better last year after coming back from the injuries and watching McCown work for a month or so.

            In the CLE game, he turned it over 2x. Both were throws to open WRs that he simply missed. (ok, the first one was maybe pushing it a little, but a good throw there is a TD. He just missed the throw).

            The PHI game was a disaster from the get-go for everybody involved, Cutler had the one INT, which was a terrible decision and throw late in the 3rd quarter after the game was already well out of reach.

            He was magnificent mentally against GB. Had some accuracy issues, but consistently made the right decisions. In all three games (particularly CLE and GB), Cutler was willing to take the check down and throw to guys other than Marshall.

    • Irish Sweetness

      No way I’m clicking thru 65 of those. Don’t tell me Turtlehead is #1? Please. No. Is he?

  • MB30SD
  • George Hernandez

    According to Larry Mayer on the Bears official Twitter feed, Bears are running a 4-3 base front in 2014.

    • MB30SD

      from the site: “In terms of the scheme, the Bears will remain a 4-3 base team. But having coaches with experience in a variety of different systems will give them the versatility to take advantage of what their players do best.

      “It’s a matter of being able to utilize the people that we have and be ready to do whatever it’s going to take with a system that’s flexible enough to do it,” Trestman said. “It’s making sure we have a scheme that can utilize our players and bring the best out of them.”

      • Johnathan Wood

        translation: WE’RE RUNNING A FUCKING HYBRID!

        All the signs have been pointing to it for months.

        • George Hernandez

          It’s good to see them just come out and say it though. Looking forward to innovation instead of status quo.

        • gpldan

          And by Hybrid, we mean:

          Chicken Dinner will come in on passing downs and may not go into a 3-point stance and may, in fact, move around pre-snap and take unusual blitz angles.

          That will be the extent of our “hybrid”

          • Johnathan Wood

            maybe, maybe not. Bruce Irvin, who everybody points to as the model for what they’re gonna try to make McClellin, played SLB this year, played about half the snaps, and only had 2 sacks. He actually dropped in coverage quite a bit (that’s part of the unpredictability).

            If you can put 3 big bodies on the DL and have any of your 4 LBs able to cover or rush the passer, that gives you a TON of options and makes it tough for the OL to figure out how to block you. That’s the dream for those situations.

          • MB30SD

            yeah, but the ‘dline rover’ needs to have talent. Whoops.

          • Johnathan Wood

            I agree. But it appears they’re at least going to make McClellin earn PT this year. Seem destined for him and Bostic to be competing for SLB spot, though both could be on the field on downs with 4 LBs.

          • MB30SD

            going to be interesting to see how it all shapes up… cause for whatever reason I can’t see either of those guys at that spot.

          • Irish Sweetness

            I see Shamus at long-snapping.

          • Irish Sweetness

            I’ll bet that’s Bostic. Or Greene. Watch.

            (name a few more linebackers, Irish!)

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            Bruce Irvin is MUCH more explosive and fluid than Shea on his best day. Also, although Shea did it all in college, his coverage is suspect. He may just be a rotational guy, which is not typically what you want in a 1st round pick in his third year.

          • Doooonnnn’t Caaaaare!

            honestly, i’d rather have Bostic running around blitzing angles instead of Dinner. Bostic hits like he grew up with nothing but I don’t trust him to analyze an O.

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            This. Bostic is a hammer. Dinner actually seems more savvy and I would like him to play ILB. He can’t exactly shed blocks, but neither could Lach. He’s at least got the size to hold up, and he does show instincts. Just wish they would have put him at LB sooner. O well.

          • Irish Sweetness

            I don’t trust ANY of those dudes to analyze an O.

            (puts on Hall & Oate’s “She’s gone”, then breaks down uncontrollably)

            ….sniff …. he’s gone … oh he’s gone …WAHHHH! … and I better learn how to face it …. he’s gone ….

            BRI-ANNNNN !!

          • Irish Sweetness

            Not forgetting every sixth play, where Wooten moves from end to tackle and another player takes his spot. Wooten will be sucked off by the commentators who will describe him as ‘versatile’ and ‘a boon for Chicago’ because he can line up 24 inches closer to the middle of the field. He will be lauded as a revolutionary not seen since the time of Dan Hampton who used to do it the other way around. SMH.

      • johnnywad

        Holy shit. What a concept. You ever play for a coach that insisted on running a particular scheme while every player on the team (and more importantly, their dad) knew you didn’t have the players for it? I did. You HAVE to fit your scheme to your players. Its one of the reasons the Patriots win so many games every year. Sounds like Trest gets it. Soooooo not Lovie.

        • NewBearInTown

          You’re so right Johnny. No wonder our defense was so terrible all those years under Lovie.

          • johnnywad

            I was specifically thinking about offense with regard to Lovie. For instance, trotting Devin out as your #1 receiver. Or trying on occasion to have Garret Wolfe pick up a blitz. Or having Jwebb block something when he should have been massaging his groin.

          • MB30SD

            I support this message.

          • Irish Sweetness

            ….. when he should have been asking people if they wanted to supersize their meal ….

          • johnnywad

            Trestman at least appears to be trying to put players in position to succeed. Moving Shea to linebacker is a good start. He sees it even though Lovie couldn’t or wouldn’t.

          • gpldan

            Ah yes, when I saw Shae I said “it’s an Albino Lawrence Taylor!”

          • MB30SD

            Hahahahaha… that visual just gave me the Lawlz.

          • johnnywad

            I thought he was white Cheta Ozugwa.

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            Does that mean Shea porks eldery women? or am I thinking of Bizarro Lawrence Taylor.

          • MB30SD

            I love it when you get all snippy… seems so unlike you. Even though I don’t really know you.

          • NewBearInTown

            I’m a pussycat is the truth. The anonymous internet handle emboldens me.

          • MB30SD

            fair enough. I just see you as the even tempered rabbinical scholar who’s patience even outstrips his thirst for knowledge.

            How’s that for campy?! Sheesh. (stereotyping my own peoples. Shame on me. SEE, my jewish guilt even kicked in!)

          • tobijohn

            Catholic guilt is extremely similar to Jewish guilt. In fact, they’re half-siblings – same father, different mothers…

          • johnnywad

            That made me laugh out loud. My wife’s family is all Catholic all the time.

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            I’m catholic, up until I feel like sinning.

            being a full time catholic might be exhausting, like being a full time punk.

          • johnnywad

            My in-laws are full of shit. Catholic because they’ve been vested in it for generations. Not because of how they behave for sure. Its irritating

          • MB30SD

            I can only speak for myself, but i feel no shame in having a larger than average, perfectly shaped (snipped) penis $. No shame whatsoever.

          • tobijohn

            I feel both guilt and shame because mine humiliates most men and scares most women…

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            That’s your problem. You should feel shame. Shame in liking schickas with big fake boobs…not because they’re gentiles, but because the boobs are artificial…

          • MB30SD

            hmmmmmm….. nope. I got nothing.

          • Irish Sweetness

            Ah yes, the revised Commandments.

            Thou shalt not adore false boobies.

          • MB30SD

            the dude does not abide

          • Irish Sweetness

            Old slice.

            Kosher fragrance for men.

            (C’mon MB, givus a job)

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            I once heard something that Catholics feel guilt, while Jews feel shame. Is there a difference? Don’t know. I once scrawled something like…

            Catholic guilt and Jewish shame.
            Reverse the dance, it’s all the same…

            Dos-y-dos…change partners.
            “Chaos higher form of order”

          • tobijohn

            I wonder if there’s such a thing as Muslim guilt? I’ll have to ask someone on my mother’s side of the family. I’m kind of curious about Protestant guilt. I’ll have to ask one of them sometime too…

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)
          • tobijohn

            Yup, Jesus is watching along with all my dead relatives. Maybe even some of the past departed Presidents…

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            Just replace Jesus with Moses, or Muhammad, and there you go. Guilt/shame for everyone…

          • tobijohn

            Judging by the tangential nature of this thread, I guess there really wasn’t that much about Austen Lane to keep us occupied..

          • Irish Sweetness

            Who? Jane Austen? Arnold Layne? I can’t see …..

          • Irish Sweetness

            I’m rubbing one out right now, to that face … if you imagine no-beard ….

          • Irish Sweetness

            Protestants don’t do guilt. They’re the ones fucking your girlfriend ….right in front of you …. while you’re wallowing in your own guilt … as they look you in the eye as if to say “have you got a problem with this?”.

            Then they smugly and confidently go back to work at their successful jobs that they work really hard at …
            ….and if any protestants have a problem with that ……. then … I’m really really sorry, right? Look – it won’t happen again, alright? DAMN!

          • Irish Sweetness

            …. and then when she woke up, saw what you’d scrawled on her belly in permanent marker when you were off your tits on mushrooms, she silently mouthed “you sad prick” and then walked out the door … forever (so she thought) … not knowing that she had a sizeable skiddie on the back of her knickers …..and then five minutes later she had to sheepishly return because she’d forgotten her car keys and wanted her Coldplay CD back, but you’d already taken it out of the player and broken it .. which was awkward.

            (shrugs)

            I don’t know, did it happen like that ?

          • MB30SD

            cold play.

            tiiiisk……. tiiiiiiiiisk

            [slowly shakes head disapprovingly]

          • Irish Sweetness

            As St. Paul said ….

            Romans 7:19

            For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do–this I keep on doing.

          • SC Dave

            I heard a joke once, and all the Jews I’ve told it too thought it was funny. I wasn’t really sure, being ignorant, and surmised it was a martyrdom thing. But I dated a Jewish gal for a little while (a stunningly beautiful woman in my eyes, but that’s a different story) and she explained – “No, no… it’s about the guilt.”

            Anyway, it’s dumb but here goes….

            Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
            A: None. “I’ll just sit here in the dark.”

            As always, ymmv.

          • NewBearInTown

            A classic. Kind of like the first Jewish president. Flew his mother in for the inauguration, put her up in the Lincoln bedroom, sat her in the front row for his speech. The press asked her, “how do you feel about your son’s accomplishment?”

            “Its all very nice, but I wish he’d followed in my oldest son’s footsteps. “*He’s* a doctor”

          • MB30SD

            Another good one.

            then you have the more insulting stereotype driven middle school verity… how was copper wire invented…. why do jews make such great pass rushers… how was the grand canyon invented..

          • Irish Sweetness

            yeah … jeez …. terrible … tchoh! ….(looks around) … like uh …. you hear about the Jewish pervert ? He’d say “Hey kid, ya wanna buy some sweets?”
            (shakes head)
            I dunno … allowing stereotypes to perpetuate in society like that … jus’ terrible .. .the kids …. I dunno….
            (desperately tries to work out MB’s jokes ….. copper wire – that’ll be a couple of Jews fighting over a coin …..fuckin’ pass rushers ??? ….the grand canyon ???)

            I grew up in a country … wait for it … where the butt of the joke would be the Irish !!
            How about that for supreme guilt ? Eh? Jokes all start the same way. “Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman, and Paddy Irishman go into a bar …” or somesuch, but the punchline always makes the Irishman be the idiot. Go figure. Another variation on the theme is making Kerrymen the butt of the joke, with three different counties being represented. “A Dublin man, A Galwegian and a Kerryman walk into the bar …”. Punchline = Kerryman will be the idiot. There’s an official book of Kerryman jokes. A book.

            BTW – if you want to see what the Irish did to the English language, visit http://www.slang.ie, represented by county. I did my bit for Dublin slang.

            “How’s your belly for a lodger?”, “Show us yer rasher” etc etc.

            The more rural they get, the more ‘out there’ the language gets …..

          • MB30SD

            get the quarterback

            penny down a gopher hole

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            I heard Indians are the same. Here’s a funny clip on it. Start it at 1:51

            http://www.thedailyshow.com/watch/wed-january-7-2009/medicine-cabinet

          • MB30SD

            HA! love that one.

            anti-Semite!

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            wait. wrong reply

      • Irish Sweetness

        I don’t understand the first line. Are we 4-3 or not? How does having 3-4 coaches help you out if you’re running a 4-3? The word ‘hybrid’ is not mentioned anywhere in relation to the Bears and has never been …AIUI.

        (As I understand it. An abbreviation. NTTAWWT)

        Okay, I just saw Woodsy’s post below. Maybe they don’t want to advertise the fact that “we will be copying Seattle’s defense this season” which is probably not a cool thing to admit in what is ostensibly a professional organization.

  • Johnathan Wood

    Interesting look at why Mills/Long might be better together. They are very good friends.

    http://www.nationalfootballpost.com/Bears-building-blocks.html

  • MB30SD

    two words for you. zero. gravity. boobies.

    http://swimsuit.si.com/swimsuit/models/kate-upton/videos/zero-gravity-beauty-shoot

    Man she’s hot.

    • Irish Sweetness

      Oh there’s a great big fat girl screaming to get out of that …..
      …wow….they paid for a chick with love-handles to go up in the vomit-comet ?

      • MB30SD

        Stop that RIGHT NOW! love handles!?? I would love those handles all night. me bang bang all night. Me so hoooo-ney.

        She’s beautiful maings. And her body is amazing.

        Oh, and vomit comet indeed. I’d be spewing before it even got off the ground. My god that thing would make me puke. uhhhhhhgggg.

  • gpldan

    MB –

    In this week’s episode of TG, James and Jeremy drive through Chernobyl in hatchbacks. Right past the reactor. They also race through an abandoned Soviet sub pen right out of James Bond.

    • MB30SD

      great show. love it. so many good ones.

    • Irish Sweetness

      Chernobyl? The reactor where my good friend Komrade Professor Yuri was reliably informed by his military mate that there were UFOs hovering over the reactor that day preventing it from reaching critical mass and Boomski!?

      What? Are we back to aliens again?

      I’m not drilling down to the end of the last thread again. What did any of you make of this? Buzz Aldrin confirming that they were accompanied by a UFO on Apollo 11. Buzz Aldrin, not Cletus in the Appalachians. Buzz fucking Aldrin.

  • Sactowns#1

    RIP- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jadvt7CbH1o&feature=kp
    Best Stones cover ever and one of my fav covers period.

  • MB30SD

    Don’t get this Jeff:

    “DaBearsBlog @dabearsblog
    Hate Combine & don’t get into draft until a month before it happens. But I get sense lots of teams will regret passing on Aaron Donald.”

    How can you hate the combine? It’s raw athleticism on display, it might not mean much for a lot of the guys, but it’s pretty fun/interesting to watch.

    And you’d rather take up blog space writing about austen lane? SMH Maings.

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      I know. I don’t get it. I rather watch the combine than the winter olympics (except for hockey), that’s for sure.

      • MB30SD

        you know my maings. I’m an olympics guy usually… both of them.

        I just can’t get into it this year. Maybe because of where I am personally, maybe because I have a POV about russia and watching would support the grift and pathetic prep of it. I don’t know. I’m probably just being an indignant hypocrite. whatevs.

        • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

          Dodgy fucking russians…

          http://youtu.be/vpfN_4WdqUU

          • tobijohn

            Great flick!

          • Irish Sweetness

            Best thing about Snatch was Bricktop.

            Worst? Pitt trying to do a Traveller’s accent.

            “Do ye like Dags?”

          • MB30SD

            one of my favorites of all time.

            Dude… want to know what boris is doing these days?!

            http://www.ispot.tv/ad/7THA/m-and-ms-super-bowl-2014-delivery

            fucking M&M commercials. Uhhhhgggg.

        • tobijohn

          Sad to say, I’ve never been into the Olympics, even when someone I went to high school with won a gold in women’s speed skating. Half those sports I never even heard of. Of course, living a Wayne’s World kind of life during my formative years probably had a lot to do with that…

          • Irish Sweetness

            Women’s speed skating? Thighs? SCHWIIING!

          • tobijohn

            Ann Henning, 72 Winter Olympics. Pretty quiet girl but she looked like she could kick just about anybody’s ass…

        • NewBearInTown

          I enjoy the olympics to a point but I really don’t like the coverage on television. A few years back, when the gold medal soccer match was being played and NBC showed qualifying rounds of rhythmic gymnastics, I gave up. I just don’t enjoy the “human side” as much as networks want me to. I want to understand these games better, understand what the athletes do to be so incredible at them, and then be an educated viewer.

          Kind of like football. But the networks screw that up too.

          • MB30SD

            kinda sad.

          • Irish Sweetness

            Dude. Rhythmic gymnastics is the warmer-upper … for the greatest event in sporting history. The floor exercises. If anyone has ever seen Billy Connolly talking about women’s gymnastics then you know …..

      • Cormonster

        I really like the Winter Olympics and have since I was little. Maybe it has to do with my Scandinavian heritage and living north of the 40th parallel and my love of skiing.

        Agree with NBIT regarding the broadcasts. That’s what DVR is for.

    • Irish Sweetness

      Ahem. What MB meant to say Jefe,….was …..”thanks for the new thread – anything will do, and can we possibly have some method of getting to the end of posts first, should we so choose?” …thanks etc.

      The We-are-not-alone movement

  • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)
  • NewBearInTown

    Random thought. Read this article on da site, http://www.chicagobears.com/news/article-1/Bears-look-to-put-bite-back-in-defense/7ca94a18-705c-483b-88ba-b720f5e730d8

    I never see Trestman talk much about Tucker. I don’t really think I hear much about Trestman and the offensive assistants either. Emery does all the talking.

    So which is it? Is Emery the face of the franchise and Trestman camera shy? Or is Emery just in total control of this team?

    You have to wonder. If the offense is wildly successful for the next 2-3 years. Will Trestman push for more control of his staff at some point?

    • MB30SD

      would be interesting to see his persona when he was with the Alouettes. If he was the media darling and the man… there’s your answer NB.

      He strikes me as the quiet man behind the man. Just my uninformed off the cuff take (like most of my posts).

      • MB30SD

        …but hey, I do elf-deprecation reasonably well.

    • Irish Sweetness

      Emery’s show 100%. Never saw it any other way. Tresty is the deFacto OC, nothing more IMHO. Our OC is really the line coach, and so on. Anyone see Kromer calling plays last season ?

  • MB30SD

    I need to post this because I keep getting reminded of it by yonny’s handle… this is the item from whence it came.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQttzjsl6m8 (start at :55)

    Man I love that story.

    • Irish Sweetness

      Classic.

      The problem is – kind get the feeling he internalizes that when people talk to him about protecting the ball more …..

  • MB30SD

    still sexy as all gitt up huh yonny.

    You go jessica, you go: http://wonderwall.msn.com/music/watch-jessica-simpson-reveals-major-weight-loss-1797891.story

    (Sexual. Napalm.)

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      FAT. COW.

      #Idtotallydoher

      • MB30SD

        I’ve always thought she was so hot/sexy. Dumb as a bag of claw hammers, but that almost increased it.

  • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

    OK, so I’m catching my first Winter Olympic action.

    Maybe I’m completely clueless, but track and field stars are now on the bob sled team? Has this always been the case.

    Also, I can’t believe I just heard a commentator actually use the word “Selfie” as in “Here’s ice skater X taking a selfie of herself.”

    • Cormonster
      • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

        Wow. I must have totally blanked it out of my memory. Pretty cool though.

        “Another NFL player who did so and did the bobsled, too, but was
        overlooked was Willie Gault. Gault would have had the trifecta of NFL,
        Winter, and Summer Olympics, but he had the unfortunate timing of being
        at his Summer Olympic peak in 1980 when the U.S. boycotted the Moscow
        Olympics. Of course, we can just sub in the fact he was on the Super
        Bowl XX champion Bears team and the ringleader behind the “Super Bowl
        Shuffle,” which is worth a million gold medals. In 1988, while still
        with the Bears, Gault was a member of the U.S. bobsled crew.”

        • Cormonster

          What I love about the Winter Olympics is that many of the events were extreme sports before the x games. Now they’re more extreme with freestyle skiing and snowboarding included.

          Downhill skiers hit speeds of 95 mph depending on the course, and all events top 70mph. At this Olympics they were hitting jumps traveling over 80 YARDS in the air at top speed. Even the cross country skiers and speed skaters top 40mph. The ski jumpers fly almost 150 or more yards in the air on the big hill. I’ve seen that live and it’s amazing. I would prefer to be on the mountain for downhill, but it’s not allowed. The freestyle folks are hitting jumps over 20 feet in the air. Hard to imagine having the balls to do that.

          • Irish Sweetness

            The only time I can ever remember remotely caring about the Winter Olympics was when Britain (how do three countries get to compete as one in the olympics – how is that fair?) had a ski jumper who barely qualified. Remember Eddie ‘the Eagle’Edwards? People tuned in to see if he would land without killing himself.

          • Cormonster

            My Dad loves Eddie. And Matti Nukannen, the “Flying Finn”.

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      Wow. Snow-board cross is pretty cool. I swear when one of the snow-boarders knows he’s going down that he tries take as many down with him as possible.

  • Irish Sweetness

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