92 Comments

Reverend’s Rant: An Attack on David Haugh [AUDIO]

| December 14th, 2013

Reverends-Rant-624x185

This is an absolutely classic. The best rant of 2013. I no longer discuss Haugh’s work on this site because in all honesty I haven’t read him since the season began. He’s a terrible writer with boring opinions. Why bother?

Also because JQ told me he’s a fan of the rants, you folks have to find your way to Chicago Shakespeare before December 22nd to see the Q Brothers Christmas Carol. It is one of the most fun nights I’ve had in the theatre in years and you should support these guys. They are one of Chicago’s great gifts to the modern theatre. For tickets and information, CLICK HERE.

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  • Viva

    First, David Whogh?

    BEAR DOWN!

    OWN IT JAY!!

    • MB30SD

      Whooooogh roooooogh!

  • Maddbearfan

    And the question remains: Can the Bears stay alive in the playoff hunt? McCown is a nice guy..no question about it..he does a great job. But Cutty is lot more fun to watch.
    And this is the reason why Cutler hates the media. Don’t blame him either!

    • johnnywad

      I would be perceived the same way Cutty is. Can you imagine being forced to take questions from these assholes week in and week out? He’s taken the the high road compared to what I may do in the same situation.

  • SC Dave

    “Will Cutler’s dabbling in Cubism cost us a chance at the playoffs?”

    Classic indeed!

  • Irish Sweetness

    The blog was asleep.

    The smell of beer, cigarettes and stale piss sang in the air. Over loud snoring no-one heard the door open. A helmeted, space-suited figure stood shadowed in the doorway. The hiss from the helmet as Irish removed it was followed by the ooh-ing and aah-ing from the assembled females – the lurkers that never posted – as they gazed sleepily at his wondrous face with the perfect body that fought against its silvery restraints that left all women thinking only one thing … “fuck me”.

    Returning from far distant galaxies in the blink of an eye, he saw that the Bears had changed since his sleep. We had the early season Peyton Manning at QB. A redundant 30 year old who hasn’t learned a thing in his career expecting a charitable $20 million a year donation from Halas Hall ……. with Teddy Bridgewater sitting there in what round ? Uncle Josh can be had to mentor him for a year or two and we sign JJ Watt to answer our DT needs. Bye bye Henry, you were okay, but this is a team that counts Alan Page, McMichael, Hampton, Wally Chambers et al amongst their forebears. You don’t cut it, we’ll draft a good ‘un.

    Pep and his 12 million go to the kerb and we re-sign TJ. Draft a decent safety or CB with one of the two first rounders you get off whoever overpays for Cutler’s services. 30 isn’t too old. We’ll get 2 firsts for him. Get a center and running back somewhere along the way in the draft, defensive end … and you are possibly a superbowl contender next year with the unlikeliest of leaders.

    If Josh makes it until at least the first half of next season, Teddy is the kind of guy to be able to run an offense. He completes 78% of his passes when they’re thrown inside the hashes. He’s our
    man.

    Slong Jay and thanks for the memories. You were a pretty good quarterback when you decided to play the smart way, like all the great ones, but mostly you wanted to do it your way, and that just
    wasn’t beneficial to a consistently effective offense. You never learned son. The penny hasn’t dropped yet. You’ll get us two high picks and we get to trade you in for a younger more mobile and accurate model. Thanks.

    Is the season over yet?

    There’s alien bases on the dark side of the moon.

    But we’ll get to that.

    • SC Dave

      He returns!

      I eagerly await your revelations on the foreign outposts so close to Mother Earth.

    • MB30SD

      Eeeeeexcellent.

      Yonny, go easy… taking the space time continuum to task can do things to a man’s mind.

      Welcome back space man spliff

      • Cutty Badger don’t give a fuck

        i’m going to let this one go. It’s chreeestmas.

        • MB30SD

          mighty white christmas of you!

          • Cutty Badger don’t give a fuck

            It doesn’t even matter anymore. The Bears are going to win out with Cutler and the Lions are going to win out as well. Then people will really be confused on what to bitch about. Hint: the defense.

          • Cutty Badger don’t give a fuck

            If we win against Cleveland and Briggsy comes back against Philly you’re going to see a revitalized D including Pep. #returnofPep
            shit gon git realz

          • MB30SD

            hope so.

          • Viva

            BEAR DOWN!

          • johnnywad

            No way Schwartz wins out when it matters. No fucking way.

    • bearsfantillend

      WOW someone has clearly partaken in some righteous space drugs, space dementia has set in, or suffered from oxygen deprivation, probably best to put your helmet back on and get back in your ship and clear your mind, quarantine yourself until you re-adjust to this reality, because there is a lot of crazy in that post.

      • MB30SD

        FNG.

        • johnnywad

          No shit BFE. Treat this Mother Fucker with some respect. WELCOME BACK IRISH!!!

          • bearsfantillend

            really guys. its called a joke. I see no disrespect or meant any disrespect in anything i said. and for your information not really a new guy. the first post i ever made was years ago before DaBlog went to ChicagoNow. I have read and enjoyed most of Irish’s posts for years, but i guess in your eyes everyone is a FNG that doesn’t post all the time or join in some of the insane conversations will always be the newbie.

          • MikeBrownhadaPosse

            Or MB was being a complete wiseass…

          • johnnywad

            Lighten up Francis. Just flippin you shit.

          • MikeBrownhadaPosse

            The element of loveable batshit crazy that we were missing has returned.
            Welcome back, Irish! Buy any bitcoins lately?
            JK maing..

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      The Ying to Waffle’s Yang.
      Now the universe is balanced once more.
      This is astronaut tang
      To thirsting lips upon dry shores…

      • SC Dave

        All we need now is for Huntin’ to come back into the fold.

        • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

          true, but the new format would throw a wrench into his poetic format. He used to write like three word lines and go from there.

          Can’t believe he stopped visiting for a ms-perceived FF slight. C’mon man!

          • SC Dave

            Yeah… much real estate used. But once you parsed the content, it was clear the man had some interesting perspectives.

          • MB30SD

            ain’t nobody got time for that.

    • Viva

      Welcome back Irish!
      Cutler is the best QB our eyes have ever seen play this position for this team. We can win a Championship with him.

    • Shady

      So you think you can work your way into someone’s life and then just go missing for months without one word of where or why? Hmm? HMM?! Damn it Irish, I can’t quit you. Come here. *MUAH*

      • MB30SD

        I was going to do something similar for yonny when he bailed last week, but mine was going to say, “I just can’t rage-quit you”

    • johnnywad

      Welcome back Brother Irish. Your seat at the table awaits you.

  • Cutty Badger don’t give a fuck

    Guys, if you’re in Chicago or the surrounding suburbs you have to go see the Q Brothers. I grew up with them and they are some of the most entertaining creative guys in the business. They adapted alot of Shakespeare into the fabric of family friendly hip hop. now they are doing the Christmas Carol.
    These guys are doing a great job.

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      dude, I laugh every time I see your avatar. It’s the perfect Waffle avi.

    • foulmouthpoet

      Thanks! We try.
      Thanks for the shout out Jeff.
      Great rant indeed.
      “ability to detect hints of cilantro in guacamole.”
      Wow. Fantastic.
      Go Bears.

  • MB30SD

    Wow, talk about arab/monkey progress. welcome to 1947 Iran!!! And congratulations monkies!

    http://www.cnn.com/2013/12/14/world/meast/iran-monkey-space/index.html?hpt=hp_t2

    • tobijohn

      Unless that monkey was from the extreme south of Iran, he’s most likely Persian, not Arab. He’s got the same eyes as a lot of my relatives on my mother’s side of the family so I’m going to assume he is, in fact, Persian…

      • MB30SD

        Hahahahaha… fair enough.

  • MB30SD
  • MB30SD

    these are pretty good although I’ve seen some better ones: http://blogs.delawareonline.com/firststatefocus/2013/12/09/lions-and-eagles-and-snow-oh-my/

    • SC Dave

      A pretty cool article in any event.

    • BearFanInDE

      Oh no MB..you didn’t just post a link to my local paper…I get enough iggles coverage all week….

  • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

    McCown leads the league in saving puppies from burning buildings. Cutler, on the other hand, leads the league punching grandmas right in the face.

    • SC Dave

      I take it you got that from the four-letter network? Not something I can look up on pro-football-reference, I bet.

      • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

        It’s calculated into the QBR.

        • MB30SD

          Nice. Then I have a QBR of 12

          • MB30SD

            Wait… 88!?!?

          • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

            Out of 100? Punching grandma’s in the face might take you down a few more notches.

  • MB30SD

    just saw the CNN tribute to sandyhook. My god I’d forgotten that that fucking evil pos skilled so many children.

    How in god’s name can that happen. I can’t even fathom that. I couldn’t watch for more than about 30 seconds before I couldn’t take seeing those little faces and their destroyed families and had to change the channel.

    What a total and complete nightmare… I literally can’t comprehend it.

    • SC Dave

      Some things are not to be understood.

      There are nightmares that go on daily across the world – it is good that we do not know of them all, for we would be irreparably broken by it.

      • MB30SD

        indeed dave.

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      I’ve been reading a book written by a neurosurgeon and now more than ever I believe that some humans (possibly MANY) are brain damaged. See, many assume that brain damage makes someone like Forest Gump or worse, but that’s not true. A certain section of the brain can be damaged without affecting too many other parts so that someone can still be functional and appear somewhat normal to the casual observers.

      But Science is now examining certain parts of the brain where ’empathy’ and other feelings tend to be stored, and some folks simply don’t have it. That part of the brain is somewhat damaged – the neurons aren’t firing, the connections are severed, they literally cannot ‘feel’ the way normal functioning humans do.

      Then there’s always temporary insanity, but not sure how that works.

      That’s no excuse, and I don’t know if either were the case in SandyHook, but I truly feel that a lot more human beings are walking around with mild forms of brain damage than we suspect (especially in Congress. ZING!).

      • Cormonster

        That explains Hitler and Stalin. I’m sure both bumped their heads in WW1 and street brawls. Can’t blame them. They were victims of circumstances.

        • MB30SD

          mega churches would be my guess corm. It’s always mega churches.

    • Viva

      The world needs more sheepdogs.

    • Cormonster

      There are 101 churches within 15 miles of Sandy Hook. Coincidence? I think not.

      • MB30SD

        don’t get all bent out of shape maings. was just trying to add a little levity to a disgusting situation.

  • SC Dave

    The die has been cast, and here’s to Jay being spot on and kicking the shit out of Cleveland (drains the last bit of The Balvenie near at hand).

    • Viva

      GET SOME!

  • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

    I hope Cutler wins. One, because I’m a Bears’ fan and want to see them at least relevant for the rest of the season. But two, so I won’t have to hear talk radio harp about McCown v Cutler the whole week.

    Could you imagine a whole season like that next year? Holy shite.

    • SC Dave

      Gawd, no shit.

  • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

    Random NFL shit around the league.

    The Seahawks have allowed 15 punt return yards. ALL YEAR.

    That’s gotta be the most insane stat of 2013. Yeah, Manning 50+ TDs, lada ladi da. That record will probably fall in a few years anyhow the way the NFL is trending.

    But FIFTEEN total PR yards allowed? That’s unbelievable. The record is 22 by the Lombardi Packers some 50 years back. Here’s the link for more info.

    http://profootballtalk.nbcsports.com/2013/12/14/seahawks-punt-team-closes-in-on-history/

    • Ufficio

      Too bad they don’t face Hester. They could actually make that total negative.

      Zing!

      • SC Dave

        Or completely forgotten as an elite coverage unit on one play.

  • MB30SD

    Uuummmm….

    “Hello Jeremy? Yeah hi, this is Phil Emery from the Chicago Bears.

    …How would you like to wear the navy burnt orange… uhhhh, THIS sunday.”

    http://msn.foxsports.com/nfl/story/jacksonville-jaguars-release-veteran-defensive-end-jeremy-mincey-121313

    ($… can this happen? Does he need to clear waivers or anything?)

    • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

      I posted that yesterday. I’m hurt.

      It can happen, but you are correct, sir. Must clear waivers first, but honestly I don’t see any team picking him up. Mincey’s had some “accountability” issues, which means football doesn’t seem to be his #1 priority (apparently he produces music or something too).

      But the way our Dline is hemorrhaging, any swinging dick might do. We got Tucker, so he should know exactly if we should pull the trigger on him or not.

      • MB30SD

        -252 blog points for me.

        here is my sorry to you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UFatVn1hP3o

        • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

          googled eskimo porn and got this, huh?

          • MB30SD

            yes.

      • johnnywad

        That means I could play. How much do I get for three regular season games plus a deep playoff run?

        • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

          Just as long as you show up to Halas Hall like this.

          http://youtu.be/9ANevj68kQY

          • MB30SD

            I show up like that to our sunday football brunches at our local watering hole every weekend? What?

          • johnnywad

            Confession time. One of my favorite movies of all time. Very high brow. I know.

  • AlbertInTucson

    “So is everybody just cool with it snowing in Egypt for the first time in 100 years? Nobody thinks there might be some serious issues…?”

    Well, it DID, in fact, snow there 100 years ago.

    Please don’t tell me you subscribe to all that Al Gore pseudo-science consistiing of data they later ADMITTED manipulating to fit their desired computer model outcome while ignoring HUGE factors that affect the weather on this planet (like sun spot activity) that didn’t help their cause so they could just declare the debate over and start making money…?

    • johnnywad

      I wish I could get in on some warming. It was 3 degrees three times here this week in SW Michigan.

      • AlbertInTucson

        Going to be pushing 80 here this week.

      • tobijohn

        Hmm, if I could get the average of what you’ve been getting (say 10-15f) and what I’ve been getting (80-85f), I’d be extremely happy. After eleven years down here, I’d have to say a Chicago winter is no worse than a South Florida summer. If the opportunity presented itself, I doubt that I’d have a problem moving back..

        • AlbertInTucson

          No way I’d move back and put up with Chicago winters, thank you.

        • johnnywad

          If you can wait 20 years until I retire, we can just trade. Sound good?

          • tobijohn

            Sorry, I’ll have melted long before then…

    • Cormonster

      In a nutshell, here’s the story. Man made GLOBAL WARMING was gonna be catastrophic based on data from @1976-1998, “the warmest year ever”.

      Since then, temperatures have remained steady for 15 years, and the deep oceans decided around that time to take one for the team and “absorb” this extra heat, causing CLIMATE CHANGE to become the new term around the time of Hurricane Katrina. Thank you oceans!

      Now the new IPCC report uses a starting point of 1951. So 30 and 60 year “data” is “relevant”, but the 15 year hiatus in warming is a “blip” in time.

      People just don’t get it. The UN should not be questioned by “deniers”. Only 116 out of 117 computer models that they use for projections were not even within the margin of error. As an average, the computer models were over 400% off. But don’t question the science.

      • AlbertInTucson

        A “blip” in time. That’s exactly home much hard weather data they had to work from vs. the life of this planet.

  • 4ever85 (AKA Butch Deadlift)

    oooohhh…it might snow in CLE

    NWS Cleveland Sunday forecast: High near 28. Breezy, with a west wind
    15-20 mph, with gusts as high as 34 mph. 50% chance of snow showers.

    – It would be awesome if it snowed, unless snow flakes aren’t good for groins. The Browns however are not pussies like the Cowboys, so it won’t affect them as much, but it would make for a cool game.

  • MB30SD

    mightymouse blew up benevides in rd 1 after a few seconds. Dude got KTFO!

    Awesome surprise…. the dude checking gloves, mouthguards, and cups, Holy shit!

  • MB30SD
  • MB30SD

    http://espn.go.com/nfl/playoffs/machine

    guys, I ran some scenarios and here’s who we need to beat to get in to the playoffs:
    * Browns
    * Eagles
    * Packers

    Yeah. that.

    Lions need to lose at least one (hopefully @ GB) and green bay needs to lose one or two.

    • AlbertInTucson

      Question; If they beat the Browns Sunday, do the Bears get in as Champs of the AFC North?

      Yeah, I know already know that answer.

      So…

      Winning the divison is the only way I see into the post season for an NFC North team.

      For the Bears or Packers, that will lkely require winning their last 3 (Obviously a possibilty for only 1 of them) AND having the Lions stub their toe again (Always a DEFINITE possibility).

      If the Packers and Lions both win out, that tie for Green Bay is as good as a loss because 10-6 trumps 9-6-1.

      If the Packers win out and Detorit chokes away another one, 9-6-1 beats 9-7.

      We all know that a Bears 10-6 tie with Detroit is a loser for the Bears for the division title.

      I don’t think 9-7 or even 9-6-1 (which in the NFL is the same as being 9.5 and 6.5) will be good enough to claim either Wild Card slot. The fact that at 10-6 all of the Bears losses would be conference losses puts them in a bad situation for Wild Card tie-breakers, not to mention San Fran and Carolina are already sitting at 9 wins.

      The Bears can be no better than 6-6 in Conference.

      Meanwhile, SF is 6-3 in conference and Carolina is 7-3 in conference.

      The 49er are at Tampa. The Pathers get to work out their frustrations from Monday’s loss at New Orleans by entertaining the Jets.

      If they both win tomorrow, they eliminate the Bears from the Wild Card race.

      Also still lurking about is 8-5 Arizona which sports a 5-5 conference record. They go to Tennessee Sunday. If the Cards go 10-6, They would have a better conference record than the Bears at 7-5.

      Get this, a real possibility exists for an 11-5 NFC Team (SF, Carolina or Arizona or even New Orleans) to be on the outside looking in come playoff time!

      Cardinals last 2 are AT Seattle and home vs. the 49ers so 11-5, while possible, will be no easy task.

      Even losing to the Cards in week 17, the 49ers could still go 11-5, the Panthers still have a shot at 12-4 and the Saints are already at 10 wins so even tho’ the Saints and Panthers play again, 11-5, or better, for one or both is still a strong possibilty.

      Frankly, I don’t think this “Every week is an adventure” Bears team can win all 3 of their remaining games. Cleveland will be no cakewalk and I bet Shady McCoy and his even his backup,. Chris Polk, can’t wait to play against that Bears’ defense.

  • AlbertInTucson

    Here’s a question:

    If they beat the Browns Sunday, do the Bears get in as Champs of the AFC North?

    Yeah, I know already know that answer.

    So…

    Winning the divison is the only way I see into the post season for an NFC North team.

    For the Bears or Packers, that will lkely require winning their last 3 (Obviously a possibilty for only 1 of them) AND having the Lions stub their toe again (Always a DEFINITE possibility).

    If the Packers and Lions both win out, that tie for Green Bay is as good as a loss because 10-6 trumps 9-6-1.

    If the Packers win out and Detorit chokes away another one, 9-6-1 beats 9-7.

    We all know that a Bears 10-6 tie with Detroit is a loser for the Bears for the division title.

    I don’t think 9-7 or even 9-6-1 (which in the NFL is the same as being 9.5 and 6.5) will be good enough to claim either Wild Card slot. The fact that at 10-6 all of the Bears losses would be conference losses puts them in a bad situation for Wild Card tie-breakers, not to mention San Fran and Carolina are already sitting at 9 wins.

    The Bears can be no better than 6-6 in Conference.

    Meanwhile, SF is 6-3 in conference and Carolina is 7-3 in conference.

    The 49er are at Tampa. The Panthers get to work out their frustrations from Monday’s loss at New Orleans by entertaining the Jets.

    If they both win tomorrow, they eliminate the Bears from the Wild Card race.

    Also still lurking about is 8-5 Arizona which sports a 5-5 conference record. They go to Tennessee Sunday. If the Cards go 10-6, They would have a better conference record than the Bears at 7-5.

    Get this, a real possibility exists for an 11-5 NFC Team (SF, Carolina or Arizona or even New Orleans) to be on the outside looking in come playoff time!

    Cardinals last 2 are AT Seattle and home vs. the 49ers so 11-5, while possible, will be no easy task.

    Even losing to the Cards in week 17, the 49ers could still go 11-5, the Panthers still have a shot at 12-4 and the Saints are already at 10 wins so even tho’ the Saints and Panthers play again, 11-5, or better, for one or both is still a strong possibilty.

    Frankly, I don’t think this “Every week is an adventure” Bears team can win all 3 of their remaining games. Cleveland will be no cakewalk and I bet Shady McCoy and his even his backup,. Chris Polk, can’t wait to play against that Bears’ defense.

    • BerwynBomber

      The Cheese are done. I don’t think Rodgers will suit up again this year. That leaves us and the Kittens. They have Shorts. We don’t. We’ll win the North.

      • johnnywad

        I am Johnnywad, and I approved this message.

    • MikeBrownhadaPosse

      Al, my daughter read your question and said, “Yes.”…of course, she’s 4 so she’s not up on the finer points of the playoff structure of the NFL.

      • MikeBrownhadaPosse

        She also says I have to type “We like the Chicago Bears”…and she’s been complaining since Thanksgiving that we’re never rooting for the Packers again.

  • AlbertInTucson

    Irony: David Haugh writing about someone else being “condescending,”

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